Losing Myself
by Im.losing.hope
Summary: Magnus has an eating disorder. Alec is depressed, and cuts himself. These two people need saving from themselves, before there is nothing left to save. Rated T! R&R Slash..
1. Chapter 1

_A/n: Hey everyone! How are you guys? Sorry that I haven't done anything in the past few weeks. Ive been dealing with a few things, and I have writers block so that is why I have been MIA for a while now :P_

_Anyway, I hope you guys like this new idea! _

_Enjoy!_

_Third Person POV:_

Magnus Bane sighed as he glanced at his multi-colored sparkly nails. He wasn't even sighing in an adoration for the sparkliness, he was sighing because of what he was about to do. He felt disgusted with himself as he kneeled on the bathroom floor, in front of the pristine white porcelain toilet.

He knew that he was probably going to be in a lot of trouble if his parents ever found out about this. And he also new that his nails were going to get ruined too. But he had to do it. He had to get rid of the food that was in his stomach somehow. And he felt that this was the only way to get rid of it.

He felt hot tears build in his eyes. He also new that people thought he was a freak at school. If the people at school found out about this, he would be dubbed as a bigger freak.

_A freak with an eating disorder_, He thought maliciously.

He didn't want to do this. But he was so scared, and he didn't know what to do. He didn't even remember when this started, it had gone on that long. But there were days when he could hold down just the tiniest bits of food. And on those days he felt like a failure who didn't deserve to live at all.

He took in a shuddering breath, and lifted a finger to his mouth. He shoved the finger down his throat until he gagged and felt the things that were in his stomach come up. He quickly removed his finger and leaned over the toilet. He retched up everything, until all he could do was brace himself on the floor.

After every purge he felt tired and useless. He sighed again, and laid himself on the floor. His mom would probably find him in there in a few hours when she got back from work and decided that she needed to use the bathroom.

As he laid there, he tried to ignore the rumbling in his stomach now, the foul taste in his mouth, and the feeling of being abnormally cold. He felt a headache come on, and he groaned. All the littlest noises seemed like explosions in his ears. It hurt, and he whimpered.

Suddenly, there was a loud rapping on the locked bathroom door. Magnus groaned and covered his sensitive ears with his hands. But the knocking continued, until he heard a loud and gruff voice. His dad.

"Magnus? You alright? You were in there for a long time" His dad said.

"Yeah," He croaked. "I'm fine. Just feeling a little sick."

"You sure?" His dad asked.

"Uh huh" He moaned.

He heard his dad sigh loudly, and walk away. His loud footsteps could be heard from down the hall. He sighed again, and tried to rise himself up on shaky arms. It was a close one that time had been. He knew if he wasnt careful enough, his parents would notice something was going on. He had already lied to his parents about excersizing a lot, and thats why he was so skinny. But, if only they knew.

He soon got himself up off the floor, but his legs were a little shaky. He walked over to the bathroom door and opened it. He stepped out into the cold hallway, and taking a deep and calming breath. His heart was still beating fast, but he wasnt shaking anymore.

As he was walking down the spiraling staircase, he heard the front door shut and his mother entering the house. He smiled softly. His mother, wasnt only his mom but one of his best friends. She was the only one who knew that he was gay. He didnt even tell his dad yet. He felt that he could tell his mom anything and everything. Well, not everything at least.

He walked down the stairs quicker and ran to his mom and gave her a gentle hug. He clung to her like she was his life line. He sighed as her familiar form brushed up against his own. He knew that he would simply die, if she died or left.

"How was your day, mom?" He asked.

"It was okay. How was yours?" She asked in return.

"Fine. School was a bore and the teachers were still horrible as ever" He muttered.

"Oh, well lets go find your father and figure out what to cook for supper" His mom suggested.

He tried not to grimace when she had said 'supper'. He still felt a little sick. "Sure."

They found him in the kitchen, already starting on supper. He was whistling an old show tune while getting all the ingrediants he needed to make homemade macaroni. When he heard them entering the kitchen, he turned around.

"Just in time, hun. Im making macaroni" He said lovingly.

"Fantastic" She replied.

While his parents chatted away, Magnus walked out of the kitchen quietly. He didnt want to sit with them and eat supper. They would ask too many questions as to why he wasnt eating, and he couldnt have that.

He climbed the stairs until he was on the right floor and walked down the hall to his colorful bedroom. He opned the door and stepped inside quickly, and shut the door. He made his way to his over sized bed and flopped down.

He laid there in a wave of self pity.

Alec Lightwood hated his life and new town. He hated everything at that moment. He sat in the back of his parents SUV that was driven by their chaufer, Hodge Starkweather. He glared at the buildings that were passing by.

His parents decided to open up their business in New York. It was a successful chain of high class resturants and everywhere they went they were always recognized. And Alec resented that.

He looked down at his once pale arms. They were mutilated beyond recognition, and the scabs that were starting to form over the newer cuts itched a little. He tugged the sleeves of his fitted black and white armani shirt that his sister, Isabelle, insisted he wear.

He leaned his head against the black leather seat and closed his eyes. He didnt want to come here. He wanted to stay in Los Angelas. There wanst a lot for him back there. But he felt at home and safe there. Not alienated in another state that he had never been to before.

He had kicked up quite a big fuss, when his parents said that they were moving. Thats why they let him move to New York a month before they arrived. They decided that as long as Hodge was staying with him, that he could go before them. He kind of appreciated the new freedom, but he still resented them.

The car stopped in front of a large mansion type house. It looked a little like the one back home, but it was much different too. Alec grimaced slightly as Hodge got out of the car and opened his door for him. He got out of the car, and stretched his legs. He then looked around. The house was nice, he guessed. And the front yard had very green grass, and many trees.

He decided, that he was going to enjoy living on his own for a while.

Magnus was still relishing in the self pity that he had, when his mother knocked on the door and entered. Her cheeks, rosy red and her eyes were lit up with a weird glow. She smiled softly, at her son.

"Whats wrong Magnus?" She asked.

"Nothing" He told her in a gruff voice.

She frowned and made her way over to his bed. "I know something is wrong, so dont bother lying about it."

He sighed. "Fine. Its boy problems."

"Oh" She said softly.

"Yeah. So if you dont mind, Id like to wallow in self pity by myself" He said.

_Lair_, the voice in his head hissed viciously. He frowned internally. Yes. He knew that he was lying to his own mother. But it didnt matter at that moment.

"Okay then. Be down in twenty minutes. Supper is almost done" She sighed and left the room.

He didnt even have supper yet, and he already felt like throwing his guts up. He flopped back down on the bed and covered his eyes with the crook of his elbow. He was pitiful. He even knew he was pitiful. He felt like crying at that moment. He wished that he could tell someone about this. But if he could even admit to himself he had a problem, how was he suppose to tell someone else?

He groaned. He wished that he was someone else. Someone who had no problems at all, and had a fnatastic life were they werent called a freak everyday, and could actually hold down a meal. But no. He had his sad excuse for a life. He was called a freak everyday ever since grade five when he decided that he liked playing with barbies better than toy trucks. And he couldnt hold down a meal, let alone a snack.

He felt tears trail down his face. He knew the eyeliner he wore would be smudge in a few seconds and he had to go downstairs now. Well, he would just go down the way he was. If his parents decided that they didnt like his makeup, they could tell someone who cared.

He got up from his bed, and refused to look in the mirror and walked out of his room and then down the stairs. He could smell the revolting odor of macaroni. He tried to block out the smell, but it was all for nothing.

He walked into the dining room and saw that his parents were already sitting at the table. They snapped their heads up when he entered the room. He took his normal seat, next to his mom.

He looked down at the plate of food in disgust. The urge to go to the bathroom and throw up was heightened as he picked up his fork and scooped a little of the food into his mouth. He grimaced slightly. He hoped that his parents didnt see that.

His dad cleared his throat loudly. "Magnus. Are you alright? You've been acting off lately."

"Im fine. Just stressed about a french midterm" He muttered.

His father didnt look convinced. "Humor me Magnus."

"There's nothing wrong" He insisted.

"Are you sure?" His dad asked.

"Yes. If something does come up, Ill let you guys know." _Not._

The rest of supper had gone by slowly and boringly. Once he was finished, he excused himself and ran up to the bathroom. He threw himself on the floor and brought a finger to his mouth again. And again he made himself sick. Once he was done, he tried to control his breathing. But a incredulous voice caught him off guard.

"What did you just do, Magnus Gabriel Bane?"

Alec was a simple person. So thats why his bedroom was an immaculate white with a dark blue trim. His large bed had dark blue covers and sheets, and the carpet was dark blue. It was simple and Alec liked it.

After he dropped his duffle bag in his room, he went downstairs with Hodge. Figuring that the old man would like a little company. He found Hodge in the living room, sitting on a deep red colored couch that was already shipped there.

He sat down next to Hodge and sighed. It was a little warm in the room, so he rolled up the sleeves on his shirt. Forgetting the scabs and scars that covered them. When Hodge turned to talk to him, his eyes fell to his arms. He frowned deeply and yanked Alec's arm closer to his face.

"What are these, Alexander Lightwood?"

He gulped. He was going to be royally screwed.

Magnus' eyes widened. His mother stood in the doorway to the bathroom. He must have forgotten to either close the door or lock it.

But one thing he was sure of. Was that he was in for it.

_A/n: Okay, so the first chapter is done. How did you guys like it? Was it okay? _

_Anyway, I felt like I should explain my motives for this story. I came up with this idea because, it was kind of nagging me and I can relate to what Magnus is going through with his eating disorder. And I kind of wanted to write a fanfiction, where it would captivate readers attention and stress the dangers of this disorder. I know I cant say much when it comes to the dangers because, Im living with it. Yes, it scares me and yes a few people know whats going on. And thats all I'll say for now. _

_Myth: Only females have eating disorders._

_Fact: FALSE. Approximately 5-10% of eating disorders occur in males._

_Anyway, _

_Review?_

_Chantelle oxo_


	2. Chapter 2

_A/n: Hey everyone! Well, it seems that the majority of you guys actually like this! Well thanks you guys, it means a lot to me! I was surprised that a lot of you guys actually liked this.. I thought it was going to get so many hate comments and stuff like that, it isn't even funny. So, for your kind reviews, I am giving you another chapter! _

_I hope you like this!_

_Enjoy!_

_Third Person POV:_

Magnus squeezed his eyes tight for a moment and took a deep breath. He opened his eyes and turned around to face his mother. What would she think of him now? Would she think that he was a failure that hit rock bottom? Even if she didn't, he sure felt like it at the moment.

"M-mom, its not what it looks like. I swear!" He said as calmly as he could.

"How am I suppose to believe that?" She asked. "I saw what you did Magnus."

He flinched at her tone. It wasn't a really nice one, and it made him feel even more horrible about himself. Why couldn't he just be a normal teenage boy? He cant. He would never be normal. He would never live a normal life at all.

He bowed his head and looked at the patterns on the tiled floors. He felt the tears build up in his eyes. He felt pathetic again. He felt pathetic that he couldn't make eye contact with his mother. His most closest confidant. He sighed in frustration.

"I swear it isn't what it looks like" He said again, his tone reaching a pleading sound.

He kept staring at the floor, but he knew that his mother was walking over to him. He felt her sit down next to him. She put an arm over his shoulders. She rested her head on top of his. He resisted the urge to flinch away from her touch.

"Was this the first time you did this?" Her voice so calm, that it sounded vicious.

He hesitated for a few minutes before answering. He shook his head. "No."

He heard his mothers breath hitch slightly in her throat. He felt more horrible as every second passed. His mother sighed and he felt her head shake.

"How long?" She whispered.

"I don't know" He replied honestly.

She sighed again. "Why did you do this to yourself?"

"I wanted to be perfect" His voice cracked when he said 'perfect'.

"Magnus you are perfect."

"I'm not."

"You need help darling. I'm going to make an appointment for you" She said.

Magnus' head snapped up and he glared at his mother ferociously. He would not let her do such a thing. He wasn't going to some shrink that thought that they could fix all of his problems. He wouldn't let her take him alive. He wasn't going.

"I'm not going" He said defiantly.

"Yes you are" She replied firmly.

He growled in frustration. "Well, if you make an appointment, don't expect me to come out of my room."

And with that he shook her arm off his shoulders and sauntered down the stairs and out of the house. He made sure to slam the door, harder than usual of course. But it was to let his parents know that he was angry and he wasn't going to be home that night.

Alec's eyes widened a little as Hodge inspected the cuts that adorned his once pale arms. His breathing was a little heavy and it felt like he was suffocating on nothing at all. His heart beat picked up pace a little and he tried to pull his arm away, but Hodge had a firm grip on it.

"What are these?" Hodge repeated, more sternly this time.

Alec, yanked his arm from his grasp and pulled the sleeves down. "Nothing."

"It doesn't seem like nothing, Alexander" Hodge replied.

Alec got up from the couch and started to pace around the room. He had his head in his hands and he couldn't help but feel like a little kid who was caught stealing the last cookie from the jar. But this was so much more serious than a stolen cookie. It was his body that he was hurting. And he didn't even care, nor did he want to stop.

"Its nothing okay?" Alec said a little louder.

"Alec. You don't have to lie to me. Just please tell me whats going on. Ill try to help you" Hodge said, trying to reason with the panicked teen.

"There is nothing to tell. And if I was going to tell you, you wouldn't be able to help me. I'm broken beyond recognition" Alec said forcefully.

"I'm going to have to tell your parents, you know that right?" Hodge said.

Alec stopped his movement and glared at Hodge. If looks could actually kill, Hodge would be stone cold dead.

"Unless you want to be fired. You will do no such thing" Alec said viciously.

He heard Hodge sigh loudly. Why couldn't he just let this go? It was his body and his life. If he wanted to cut himself, then fine. He didn't want anyone's sympathy or pity. He just wanted to be left alone. Was that too much to ask for?

"Alexander-"

"No," Alec snarled. "Just leave me alone."

Alec walked out of the living room and walked down the hall, he heard Hodge walk behind him but he didn't give any attention the older male. He just kept his head down and stared at his blue and white shoes. He reached the door and turned to face Hodge.

"I might come home tonight. I don't know yet."

And with that he strode out of the house and out into the night. He didn't know where he was going to because this was the first time he was ever in this state. And he didn't have any family that he could go to. His closest confidant was his sister and she was back in LA. He felt his heart throb with pain. If only he had something sharp..

He sighed, and drew his hands through his hair forcefully. He didn't want to go back. He didn't plan on going back tonight, but he had to go home sometime.

Magnus kept walking. He didn't have any designated spot to go to, but he was away from his house and his mother who found out about this problem. And that's all he really needed right now. A getaway. He sighed as tears ran down his face.

Why did he he feel so much self hatred? No one was suppose to feel this bad about themselves. Of course all people had insecurities. But this was just too much for him to handle. He felt like he was going to collapse at any moment.

But he continued to walk on. He walked until he came to the gate for Central Park. It was pretty dark from what Magnus could tell, but he felt like sitting in the dark at that moment. Just so he could think things over. Whether or not he wanted to go home. If he wanted to get help, which he didn't. He didn't need anyone's help. He would be able to deal with this on his own. He had to.

He walked until he came to an old wooden bench. He sighed as he sat down. He didn't realize how far a walk it was from his house. And his legs had a weird burning feeling.

But what was really weird, was that he wasn't alone.

Alec had walked until he came to a place called 'Central Park'. He wandered around in the semi darkness for a bit before coming to an old looking bench and sitting down. He sat in the darkness. Practically drowning in the self pity and hatred. How could one person feel this much?

He didn't want to feel at all. He wanted to be numb. Something to take the pain away. But he knew that everything he would do, that night would always plague is mind. Suffocate him with overwhelming guilt and grief. He felt a sob come up in his throat. He tried to swallow it, but it came anyway.

He laid his head in his hands. His raven black hair falling over his fingers. He sat there, thinking about his little brother. How he could have grown up to be such a strong and nice young man. But fate had to be cruel and take him away.

Everyone had said that they looked identical. Alec would always laugh and brush it off. But he didn't notice until now that whenever someone said that, Max would always look up at Alec with simple brotherly adoration. He wanted to grow up to be like his older brother.

Alec choked on another sob. He tried calming his breath. As he was trying to that, he felt another presence next to his own form. He heard an anguished sigh. He lifted his head up from his hands and turned to see who was sitting next to him.

Magnus' eyes widened as he took in the boys features. From what he could tell, the boy that was sitting next to him had clear blue eyes, raven hair, angular cheek bones and a soft and kind looking face. But the expression that was on the boys face, was clearly anguish.

"S-sorry," Magnus stuttered. "I didn't know someone was already sitting here."

The boy shook his head. "No, its okay. I would like a little company right now."

Magnus quirked an eyebrow at the strange boy. "Even from a complete stranger?"

"Why not?" The boy shrugged.

"Well," Magnus started. "If were going to be bench buddies, I would like to know your name."

The boy laughed a tiny, sad laugh. "Alexander. You can call me Alec though, everyone does."

"Nice to meet you Alec. I'm Magnus" Magnus replied, and held out his hand.

Alec shook his hand and then pulled his own away. He sighed again. He had to admit, the boy was gorgeous. Even in his current state, he was able to appreciate an attractive man. But now wasn't exactly the best of times to go an swoon over some boy who is a total stranger.

"So, what brings you out here?" Alec asked, casually.

"I had to get away from my parents. You?" Magnus replied.

"I had to get away too" Alec said honestly.

"Oh" Was all Magnus said.

They sat in a tense silence. It felt like there was something to be desired. It was a weird feeling, but Magnus couldn't sake the feeling. He turned to Alec. His head was bowed and he was fidgeting.

"Do you ever feel like your life is so out of control that there was no way it could be fixed?" Magnus asked quietly.

Magnus heard Alec's breath hitch. "All the time."

"My life is so messed up, that I don't think I want to live it anymore" Magnus muttered.

Alec's head snapped up. "Like as in suicide, you mean?"

Magnus shrugged. "I dunno, I guess its whatever way you see it."

"What do you mean?" Alec asked with a confused expression.

"I'm already slowly killing myself."

"You mean you're a smoker?"

"Sweetie, you may be adorable.. but you're not that bright."

"Hey!"

Magnus sighed again and ran a hand through his hair. Why was he about to tell a total stranger his innermost secret? Right. He had no sense of self preservation.

"I mean, I have an eating disorder.. a bad one at that" He whispered.

"Would you believe me, if I said I had a cutting problem?" Alec asked, as he rolled up the sleeves of his shirt.

What Magnus saw, could only be classed as 'gruesome'. The cuts that adorned the cute boys arms were terrible looking and they also looked like they hurt. Some of them looked old and others looked very new, as if they were only put there a few hours ago. The ones that had already scabbed over had red outlines around the cut. He had no idea how this boy could deal with that. It looked unbearable.

"Do they.. hurt?" Magnus asked cautiously.

"When I first make the cut, it stings for a bit. And then afterward.. it feels amazing" Alec whispered.

"How can cutting yourself, feel good?" Magnus asked.

"Well, how can you make yourself sick and feel good?" Alec countered.

"True" Magnus replied thoughtfully.

They sat in silence for a few moments. The air around them was still awkward and tense.

"Did you ever think about getting help?" Alec asked quietly.

Magnus turned his head sharply. "No. Never. You?"

"Sometimes.. but then I think I don't want help, that I just want to continue.. hurting myself" Alec replied.

"We're pretty messed up aren't we?" Magnus laughed sadly.

"Yeah. We told each other, our biggest secrets. How messed is that?" Alec chuckled.

Magnus smiled a little smile. "Pretty messed."

Alec glanced down at the cellphone that was in his hand. He sighed and shook his head sadly. When he looked up at Magnus, he had another sad expression on his pretty face.

"I have to go.." He trailed off.

"Oh" Magnus said.

"Yeah.. but p-pass your phone over" Alec stuttered, shyly.

Magnus quirked an eyebrow at him, but passed his blackberry over. Alec took it, and put his own number in it. Magnus smiled genuinely for the first time in months. Alec handed it back over and passed Magnus his own phone.

"Add your number" Alec explained.

Magnus smirked and took the phone from him. He went to the new contact page and added his number into the phone. After he was done he handed the phone back to Alec.

"I should really get home now.. I think my chauffeur is getting worried" Alec smiled apologetically.

"Its alright. I think I should be getting home soon too" Magnus said.

Alec got up from the bench and turned to Magnus. "It has been nice meeting you."

"You too."

And with that Alec started walking away from him. Magnus felt oddly lonely. He sat in the dark by himself for a few moments, before his phone buzzed. Indicating that he had a new message. He took it out, and smiled when Alec's named popped up. He opened the text and read it.

_Even though I just met you, don't beat yourself up about your weight. Your beautiful- Alec. _

Magnus felt heat wash over his face. He smiled and stuffed his phone back in his pocket. He got up from the bench and made the inevitable journey back to his house.

_A/n: Okay! So how was that? I hope I didn't do a horrible job with it! I tried my best.. I even went as far as googling self harm, so I could get the symptoms and actions right! So, I'm really hoping that I didn't do a bad job with this! _

_And sorry that I didn't get it posted sooner! It was a really lovely day out today and I was out with my cousin for the day! And yesterday I just didn't feel like writing at all! So sorry about that!_

_Myth: Only good little rich girls can get an eating disorder._

_Fact: FALSE. This is a stereotype and is untrue. Eating disorders can affect anyone from any walk of life._

_Oh! And I'm also looking for a beta! If you are interested in being my beta, then either say so in a review, or PM me! Thanks. _

_Anyway,_

_Review?_

_Chantelle oxo_


	3. Chapter 3

_A/n: Hey everyone! So, I hope you guys aren't too mad about me not updating sooner! Its just that it was really nice for the last few days here, and I wanted to spend as much time as I could outside.. soo! sorry about that! So I hope you liked the first two chapters.. and thanks to everyone who reviewed with such kind words, and thanks for those who faved and alerted! It makes my day! _

_So, how about enough of my blabber!_

_Enjoy!_

_Third Person POV:_

Alec didn't really go home, after he told Magnus that he had to. He felt like he couldn't face Hodge right yet. So he walked around the streets, just wandering around. He knew he was stalling. He didn't want to go home. So he sat down on a bench outside a small cafe. He laid his head in his hands again.

He thought about what happened that day. Hodge finding out about his cuts, running out of the house. Meeting Magnus. Alec felt his breath hitch lightly in his throat. He groaned, and ran his hands through his inky hair. Why did he feel this way about someone he only just met? It was crazy.

_You cant feel like that though, your too broken_, He thought miserably to himself.

He sighed loudly. Maybe it wasn't like that he was feeling. Maybe, he was just feeling this way because he met someone new, and that someone understood what he was going through. Like they had a slight connection. He could understand what Magnus was going through. But, he didn't see why Magnus did that to himself though. He was deathly skinny, and tall. And as much as Alec hated to admit it, Magnus was really attractive. And it scared him a little.

But then again he was scared of a lot of things.

xx

Magnus made sure to walk slowly. He didn't want to get home quickly. He had to figure out what to say to his parents, if they asked questions. He didn't know what to say. To be honest, he didn't know what to say at all. He also didn't know what to do with his life.

He kept walking until he came to his house. He looked up at the towering house, and sighed loudly. He opened the wrought iron gate door, and walked up the stone path that led to the door of his house.

He paused for a moment when he got to the door. He hesitated. Should he go inside now? Or should he sit out here for a little bit before going inside? He sighed again. He would probably get in more trouble if he waited any longer, before going inside.

So he opened the door and stepped inside quietly. He closed the door carefully, not to make any noise at all. He sighed in relief, and leaned against the door. He closed his eyes and controlled his labored breathing.

After a few minutes of standing there, he opened his eyes and made his way up to his second floor bedroom. He crept into his room quietly, and closed the door. If he was lucky, his parents didn't hear him. He sighed, and flopped down onto his pink and orange bed. He covered his eyes with the crook of his arm.

He laid in the dark for a while before he heard the footsteps near his bedroom door. He sat up and listened intently.

"Karen, what is going on with our son?" He heard his dad say.

"There's nothing going on!" His mother said loudly.

He could the frustration in his parents voices. He felt a little bad about that. He knew that he was the cause of their argument. And that made him a little upset. Maybe he should just tell his dad whats going on himself. And hopefully he isn't too disappointed in him.

He got up from his bed and walked over to the wooden door. He pressed his ear against the door and listened to what his parents were saying.

"I know our son. There's something going on" His father insisted.

"Why wont you believe me?" His mom pleaded.

"Because, I know that something is going on. Like, why hasn't he had a girlfriend yet? He doesn't talk about girls at all.. is there something that I'm missing here?" His dad said.

Magnus cringed. He hoped his mother wouldn't tell. He wanted to be the one who told his father about this. Not his mother. He leaned closer. He heard his mother sigh heavily. He also heard shuffling of feet.

He heard his mother sigh. "Honey, please be open minded about this.."

Oh no. She wasn't going to do, what she was going to do. Was she?

"About what?" His father asked warily.

"Magnus.. Magnus isn't like other boys his age" His mother started.

"Just spit it out already" He heard his father say impatiently.

"Magnus is gay"

She did.

He felt his blood boil a little bit. How could she betray him like this? Tell his father his innermost secret that he had been hiding for the last few years. She just outright told him. He told her that he wanted to be the one to tell his father. But it was too late now. She had told him. And he was probably going to be yelled at or even kicked out because of his father's close mindedness.

"What?" He heard his father breathe.

"Magnus likes boys hon" His mother said quietly.

His father started to laugh. It was a loud, hearty laugh that tore through Magnus. His father was laughing at him? He felt sick to his stomach. But that wasn't knew. He stopped laughing after a few minutes.

"Tell me that this is some sort of joke" His dad said.

"I wish I could" His mother whispered so quietly that he had a hard time understanding what she said.

"You're serious?" His father asked, his voice disbelieving.

"Yes"

His father heaved a great sigh. "I-I cant believe this.. I need to get away."

His mother sighed again. Magnus assumed that she let him go. He didn't blame her. If he was a father and discovered his son was gay he would be surprised. But he wasn't a father, he would never be a father. It didn't really bother him.

He opened his bedroom door and saw his mother still standing in the hallway with her head buried in her hands. Her shoulders were shaking. He assumed that she was crying, but holding it in.

"Mom?" He asked hesitantly.

His other snapped her head up and her eyes were filled with unshed tears, making her eyes look glassy and unreal. He stepped closer to her. He put an arm around her shoulders shyly. He was still trying to deal with the fact that she knew about his disorder.

"Yeah?" She said in a shuddering voice.

"Are you okay?" He asked.

"I don't know actually," She admitted. "I thought he would be more accepting of you."

Magnus shrugged. "Not everyone is accepting."

"But he's your father Magnus!" She insisted.

"Really mom, I'm not offended. I've dealt with people not accepting me for a while" He said, trying to calm his mother down.

She sighed. "Its just not right for him to not accept you."

He kissed her temple. "Its alright."

He dropped the arm that was around her shoulders to his side. He looked at his mother. She looked exhausted. She wasn't that old, about thirty seven but right now she looked older than that. He sighed.

"Mommy?" He surprised himself by saying that. He didn't say that very much. "Do you think hes going to come home?"

She smiled sadly. "I can only hope."

"Yeah," He agreed. "We can hope."

Magnus left his mother with a kiss on the forehead and a quick hug before disappearing into his room for the rest of the night. When he walked back into his room he closed the door and leaned against it. He sighed heavily and closed his eyes tightly.

The image of Alec's clear blue eyes popped up. Magnus snapped his eyes open. He couldn't possibly be thinking about Alec already. He groaned and went to his bathroom to get rid of the makeup for the night.

xx

It was two in the morning when Alec was confronted. A man that ran a twenty four hour diner came out from his restaurant and sat down on the bench next to Alec. He looked up and saw the kind faced man.

"You do know what time it is, right son?" The man asked.

"Yeah. Its two in the morning" Alec replied, exhaustion was clear in his voice.

"Shouldn't you be home?" The man pondered.

Alec shrugged. "I dunno. I don't think I'm going to be missed for a few hours."

The man ran a hand through his graying hair. "I'm not going to tell you what to do. But, I am going to tell you that you should really be home."

Alec sighed in annoyance. "Look, as I said before. I'm not going to be missed if I'm gone for a few hours."

"Everyone is missed at some point" The man said softly and then got up form the bench and went back into the tiny diner.

Alec sat there. The words that the man had said plagued his mind for a few minutes. _Everyone is missed_. Would Hodge actually miss him? He didn't think so. But he was cold and weird looking people were giving him shady looks. So with a shiver he got up from the bench and started to walk home.

Magnus woke up with light filtering in through the baby blue lace curtains that hung in front of the window. He cracked one eye open and was assaulted by the bright light. He groaned and closed his eye again.

He laid there in bed. The events of the night before came pouring into his thoughts. He took in a shuddering breath. He wondered if his dad came back. If he did, he wouldn't talk to him today. His dad probably needed space for a few days.

He reopened his eyes and threw his blankets off his body. He sat up in his large bed and stretched. He got up from the bed and looked at himself in his mirror and grimaced.

He looked terrible. His hair was everywhere, his eyes were bloodshot, and he had bags under his eyes from a night of restless sleep. He adverted his eyes to his cellphone and saw that he had a new message. He picked the phone up and went to the message. And was pleasantly surprised when he saw it was from Alec.

He read it and smiled slightly. That boy was adorable. And he made him feel.. somewhat happier. Alec had sent him just a simple sentence of encouragement. And that alone made him feel a little better. It didn't help a lot, but it helped a little. And that was just enough for now.

He laid his phone down and walked out of his room, colorful pajamas and all. His dad always saw him in a pair of black pajamas. But that was because he always changed pajamas before leaving his room.

He walked down the spiraling stair case and went to the kitchen. He found both of his parents at the kitchen table. He raised an eyebrow at them. His mother flushed red and his dad looked indifferent.

"Good morning" He said warily.

"Morning sweetie" His mother greeted him.

"Morning" His father replied gruffly.

He sat down at the table, next to his mother but across from his father. Breakfast that morning was a stoic and quiet affair. After he finished eating he looked at his mother with pleading eyes.

"Can I be excused? I need to get ready for school."

"You may go" His mother said.

He got up from the table and quickly went to his room and got ready for another day of hell. Or well school.

To bad Alec didn't go to his school.

_A/n: Okay not much happened in this chapter. But I swear a lot is going to come up in later chapters. I should probably warn you now, later chapters are going to be pretty sad and angsty. So, be ware of that!_

_And thanks again to people you reviewed/alerted/favorited/and read my story! Its so awesome of you guys to do that! _

_Anyway, _

_Review?_

_Chantelle oxo_


	4. Chapter 4

_A/n: Hey everyone! Here is another chapter to 'Losing Myself' for you guys! I hope you liked the first three chapters! It was kind of hard to write the last chapter, I just wasn't feeling it last night but I got it finished anyway! _

_Have you guys heard of the song 'If I die young' by The Band Perry? If you haven't, well I totally suggest that you go and listen to it! Its soo painfully sad, but beautiful! It made me cry multiple times.. but that's besides the point! _

_Anyway,_

_Enjoy!_

_Third Person POV:_

Magnus sighed as he finished getting dressed for the day. He looked at his reflection. It was him, obviously. But his face was covered in a layer of makeup and glitter. He never let anyone see him without it. It was like a protective mask that made him feel safer when he went to school. But then again, he was always taunted and bullied at school.

He laid down the bottle of electric blue liquid eyeliner and sighed again. It was funny how people could make him feel this bad about himself. His eyes started to tear up. They now had a glassy look to them. He tried to quell the tears. He didn't want to cry before school.

He picked his pink and black book bag from the floor and walked out of his room with his head bowed down. He didn't want his dad to see the makeup that he had on. After last night, he didn't really want to see his dad.

He walked out of his house and trudged down the road. On his way for another day in hell.

xx

School. Of course his parents would sign him up for school the very second he got to New York. And Hodge failed to tell him that he had school the next morning. So now he was running a little late because he had slept in a little.

He grimaced. Last night was one of the worst nights of his life. Besides that one night with Max. But that was besides the point. Hodge had found out about his self harm and threatened to tell his parents. But Alec doubted would tell them. He was a coward. And Hodge was also scared of his parents. Well, he was too. But he was their kid so he had to be.

Hodge had come in a few minutes ago and told him to get ready for school. He had gotten up quickly and rummaged through the clothing that was unpacked and picked out a plain shirt with dark jeans. He pulled on the clothes and a pair of socks and then his favorite pair of boots. He shoved the bottoms of his pants legs into the boots and grabbed a sweater.

He ran out of his room and down the stairs to find Hodge waiting for him with a brown bagged lunch. He raised an eyebrow and snorted. He felt so elementary. He took the lunch anyway. He ran out of the house and down the road.

Hodge had told him that the school was only down the road from where his house was to. So it shouldn't be too hard to find. He kept running until he came to the school.

It wasn't much, he decided. His school back in California was much larger and was a private school. But this was much smaller and was a public school. This was a new experience for him. He had never been to a public school before in his life.

Back at his old school every one had to wear uniforms. The uniforms weren't that bad. But the uniforms on other guys made Alec... a little uncomfortable. Okay, so maybe he liked a guy in a uniform. It was attractive. But at this new school, no one had to wear uniforms here. Which Alec was happy about.

He walked into the school and went to the main office. When he walked into the office, there was an old lady with pinkish hair behind a cherry wood desk. When he entered, she snapped her head up and smiled a friendly smile at him. He gave her a little wave.

"Can I help you?" She asked politely.

"Um yeah," He started. "I'm new here and I need a schedule."

Her eyes lit up with recognition and nodded. She rummaged around her desk until she found a piece of paper which Alec assumed was his schedule. She read the paper over and then handed it to him. His first class was English.

Which he was going to be late for.

"Um, I should be going now. Thanks" He muttered and then left the office.

He wandered around the hallways, looking for the right room. He wandered to the second floor and walked down the hall. He stopped when he found the right room. He knocked on the classroom door and waited.

A few minutes later a teacher opened the door. He looked at Alec with a quirked eyebrow.

"Yes?" The teacher asked.

"I'm Alec Lightwood. I'm new here" Alec said quietly.

"Ah yes, young Mister Lightwood. Come in" The teacher replied.

Alec stepped into the classroom and everyone stared at him. He looked around the classroom. The class had a very diverse group of people. There were girls who looked like cheerleaders and others that just looked snobby. There were guys who looked like jocks and others that were just bad ass he suppose. But there was one boy in particular that sat in the back. He had spiky hair.

The boy looked up from his paper and Alec resisted the urge to gasp. The boy was Magnus. The boy that he had met last night. What was the odds that he happened to go to this school? Alec saw that Magnus' eyes widened.

"Sir," Alec started. "Would I be able to sit next to him." Alec pointed to Magnus.

The teacher looked at him strangely. What was wrong with him?

"Wouldn't you rather sit next to Justin?" The teacher asked and pointed to a muscled jock.

Alec shook his head. "No thanks."

Whether he was allowed to sit next to Magnus or not, he walked down the isles of desks and took the empty seat next to him. Magnus' eyes were still wide. Alec gave him a small smile. Magnus shook his head and smiled timidly back at Alec. Alec's heart started to pick up pace a little.

"What are you doing here?" Magnus whispered.

"My parents enrolled me at this school. Small world, huh?" Alec replied.

"Yeah" Magnus smiled.

The teacher cleared his throat. They had been talking while the whole class was silent. Everyone were giving them weird looks.

"Okay class, I will now give you your assignment" The teacher said enthusiastically.

The class groaned and protested. Everyone, but Magnus and Alec. They actually liked English class. It was fun and easy and it was an easy A. That's if you actually paid attention.

"For your assignment, you must write your life story! Include all major details and special events that you cherish. It will be due in two months. And before you protest even more, I'm giving you a reasonable amount of time to work on it. You may chat quietly or start working on your projects for the rest of class" The teacher said and then started to correct old papers and tests.

Alec turned to Magnus. His bright blue eyes alight and a little happy to see his new friend. Maybe he wont be so lonely here. He smiled internally at that.

"So, would you want to sit with me at lunch?" Alec asked.

Magnus' eyes sparked with an unknown emotion. "Really?"

"Yeah. Why would you ask that?" Alec asked, confusion clear in his voice.

Magnus shrugged. "Not a lot of people want to sit with me. I'm a freak to everyone."

Alec smiled gently and brushed a stray piece of Magnus' hair out of his way. "Well, we can be freaks together."

Magnus laughed slightly at that. What was with this boy and making him laugh? He had never laughed so much before he came along. He always had a slight frown on his face and his eyes were downcast. He never felt like he belonged before Alec crashed into his life. It was new and exciting, but dangerous and terrifying as well.

"I think I'd like that" Magnus replied.

They spent the rest of the class talking about each other and themselves. Since they didn't know each other at all, they needed to spend a little time getting to know each other. Magnus learned that Alec had two other siblings, and a deceased little brother. Magnus felt his heart break for Alec. He looked so broken and sad. Alec had learned that Magnus had a fear of the dark and had issues with his body image and self esteem. Alec frowned while Magnus told him that. He told Magnus that he didn't need to worry about that. He was beautiful in his own way.

They didn't want to part ways when the bell for the next class rung. But they sighed and exchanged smiles and goodbyes before heading off for their next class.

xx

If Magnus said he wasn't surprised when Alec showed up in his first period English class, that would be a big fat lie. He was beyond surprised. He couldn't believe that the cute, gentle, and broken boy that he met the night before came to his school. It was thrilling.

As he walked down the hall to his second period math class, he wondered why Alec wanted to be his friend. Did he just feel pity for him? Or did Alec actually care enough to be his genuine friend? Either way he was happy that Alec wanted to be his friend.

He walked into the classroom and took his usual seat in the back of the room where not a lot of other people sat to. It was like he owned the back row and no one dared to sit in it. Afraid that they'll catch Magnus' weirdness. He didn't mind the slight air of solitude that he felt whenever he sat alone. He was very use to it. But he couldn't help but feel jealous of other people who had more friends then they could count and popularity and wealth.

But even though he felt a little jealous of others, he wouldn't trade his life for anything in the world. Some may say that was sick because of his disorder and orientation. But he was content with living with these things.

And maybe, now that he had Alec as a friend, that he could be even more content with his life.

xx

Alec felt restless in his European History class. The class itself was interesting, but he felt anxious to see Magnus at lunch time. He didn't understand why he was feeling this anxious to see one person. Maybe its because of the thrill of having a new friend. Or maybe it was just something different all together.

"Alec, what day, month, and year did the french take The Bastille, marking the real start of the French Revolution" His history teacher called on him.

Alec to think a little hard about this. He wasn't exactly paying attention to the class and he was sure that they covered this at the beginning of the class.

"Um, July 14th 1789?" Alec said this as a question.

The teacher beamed. "Great! That's exactly what is it."

He blushed and ducked his head. He didn't really like getting attention from others. Not even from his mother when he was a little kid. He guessed he just wasn't one to like attention and affection.

After another forty minutes of restlessness and not paying attention, the bell finally rang and Alec realized that he only had one more class before he got to see Magnus. With a groan he got up and went to art.

xx

It was finally lunch time and Magnus was actually excited to go to lunch. Not that he was going to eat or anything like that. But he was excited that he'll have someone to sit with. He hadn't had anyone sit next to him since fifth grade.

When he entered the lunchroom he saw Alec sitting at a table at the far corner of the room by himself. He had his head bowed down and he looked a little upset. He walked over to Alec. He sat down quietly next to Alec.

"If you're another person here to tell me what a freak I am. Too late, someone already beat you to it" Alec sadly sadly.

Magnus' heart broke for the sad boy. And who told him that he was a freak? Well, he did.. But he said it jokingly in English. Someone must have done damage to Alec to make him this upset.

"Why would I do that?" Magnus asked.

Alec snapped his head up. "Sorry, I thought you were someone coming to tell me that I have no right being here because I'm a freak."

Magnus furrowed his eyebrows. "Who told you that?"

"Some guy named Jace Wayland" Alec shrugged.

Magnus' blood boiled. Of course Wayland would tell that to the new student. He suddenly wanted to find him and punch him until he couldn't walk straight. He wanted to harm the boy so badly. But he fought it. Alec wouldn't want him to hurt someone else on his behalf. Or at least he thought so.

"Wayland said that?" He spat out.

"Yeah" Alec replied brokenly.

Magnus sighed. This wasn't suppose to happen. it was suppose to be a fun time and time to learn more about each other. Not deal with their issues because Wayland called Alec a freak and didn't belong here.

"Wheres your lunch to?" Alec asked suddenly.

Magnus cringed. "Alec.. I don't eat.. lunch."

"Even with your condition.. don't you think you should try to eat?" Alec asked, concern clear in his voice.

"I cant" Magnus said weakly.

Alec sighed. "Okay. I wont make you."

Magnus sighed in relief. He was afraid for a minute that Alec was going to make him eat something. He didn't think he would be able to do that without running to the bathroom to throw up.. again.

He remembered one time when he came to school without a lunch for two weeks, and when one of the teachers caught on she made him eat an apple and a juice box that she found in the teachers lounge. He remembered forcing the food down in front of her which almost made him have an anxiety attack. When he was done she let him go. But instead of going to the lunchroom, he spent the rest of the lunch hour in the boys bathroom throwing up. It was a horrible memory and he didn't want to relive anything like that. So that's why he tended to avoid eating around people/in school.

"Magnus.. if you keep this up, your going to get really really sick" Alec said quietly.

"I'm okay" He said at once.

Alec glared at him. "No your not! From what I can tell, you refuse to eat anything! And if you do eat you throw it back up! It scares me that my friend is doing this to themselves."

Magnus laughed a cold, bitter laugh. "_You_ cant say much. You're the one who carves cuts and stuff into your flesh! I heard that those kind of cuts can get infected easily and the person with them gets sick too! So care about yourself more than me, okay?"

Alec picked up the remains of his lunch. He shoved them in the bag and got up from the table and gave Magnus a cold, dead stare. He looked really angry at the moment.

"You know what? I was only trying to help you, because I don't want to see you dead. But I guess if you don't care, fine then. I don't need this crap" Alec said coldly and walked away.

Magnus sat there for the rest of lunch, with his head bowed and resisting the urge to cry.

He thought that having Alec here could be fun.

But he thought wrong.

_A/n: Okay then! Chapter four is done! I hope you guys liked it! And I know! Not a lot happens in this chapter either.. but I swear that's because I'm just using the early chapters to set up the story to get it in motion! _

_Myth: Bulimia is a good way to lose weight._

_Fact: FALSE. Bulimia is an ineffective and dangerous weight control method. Over time, individuals with bulimia tend to gain weight._

_I forgot that in the last chapter! Oops! Well, I wrote half of the last chapter at 2:00 in the morning! So can you really blame me?_

_Anyway, _

_Review?_

_Chantelle oxo_


	5. Chapter 5

_A/n: Hey everyone! I am so sorry that I haven't been writing this for a while! You guys must think I'm terrible! But I have a few excuses.. So excuse number one: I have been dealing with a few things again.. 2: I went out to my dads hometown for ten days, and where he grew up to still doesn't have internet, 3: I was busy getting my eyes check and stuff.. and now I have to get glasses.. but now Ill be able to see the TV better and the white board when school starts back up! _

_So, those are my excuses.. don't buy them? Whatever._

_Hope you enjoy!_

_Third Person POV:_

Alec didn't know what possessed him to say those things to Magnus. He knew that Magnus was dealing with something that he couldn't really control. He just had to be a little insensitive and now the only friend that he did have, may not want anything to do with him now. He should have been more careful of what he was saying.

But it angered him, how Magnus refused to eat even the tiniest bit of food. Couldn't he just like eat s_omething?_ Anything? He didn't understand this at all. He sighed as he walked to his locker. he had nowhere else to go, and ditching school wasn't an option when Hodge was keeping a very close eye on him.

He found his locker and sat down in front of it. He took out his Ipod and put the headphones in. Three Days Grace blocking out everything with their music. He closed his eyes and leaned his head against the cool metal of his locker. It soothed the pounding in his head a little bit.

As he sat there, he began to contemplate the severity of eating disorders. He knew that people who had them would appear a healthy weight one week and the next they would be like a walking skeleton. Some would feel abnormally cold, or so he heard. He heard others could barely stand up properly. But that was just minor things. Magnus' seemed so much worst then this. Magnus was all skin and bone, literally. And from what Alec observed earlier in the cafeteria, Magnus seemed to starve himself.

Alec shook his head. He didn't know why he was thinking too hard about this. He barely knew Magnus, and yet he wanted to help him. He wanted to help this boy, who lost himself to a disorder. Alec wanted to save Magnus from himself, before there wasn't even anything left to be saved.

He sighed again. Why did this one boy take up so much of his thoughts?

Magnus was left at the table by himself. He hadn't felt stomach sick when he left his house this morning, but now he did. He felt downright terrible. He didn't know why. The way Alec had looked at him, made him feel sorry and made him want to go after Alec. But Alec probably didn't want anything to do with him anymore. Not after this.

He felt tears prickle at his eyes, but he forced them back. He didn't want to cry. Not in school at least. It would just give people another reason to talk about him behind his back.

But as he sat there, he thought about what Alec had said. He only wanted to help him. But Magnus was far too stubborn to listen to Alec. Magnus wanted to groan. Why did he even have this disorder? His parents weren't abusive when he was younger, and he didn't have any other reason for this. He just guessed that something in him, just clicked one day and told him that he needed to start doing this.

Or maybe it was because everyone kept telling him that he was too fat when he was younger. He shuddered as those memories spilled into his mind. Every time one of his family members came to his house, they would always tell his mom and dad that he needed to go on a diet or something. So he guessed that he took it too hard. But, what really possessed his aunts or uncles or even his own grandparents to say those mean things about him? He was only a child! Of course he was going to have baby fat. He couldn't have a nice lean body when he was just a kid. But even now he didn't have one of those.

His ribs protruded through the skin a good bit, so you could see the outline of them. His arms and legs were another thing altogether. His arms were painfully thin. It was like a fine sheet of skin of laid over his arms. His wrist bones poked out, so that nothing was left to the imagination. His legs were so thin that he had to wear a girls double zero skinny jeans, because the mens clothes wouldn't stay on. They would flop and it looked like it was just draped onto his body. His dad didn't know about this, but his mom did. She was the one who picks up his clothes. He couldn't go shopping without feeling ashamed about himself. Ashamed that he was so ugly, ashamed that let this happen to himself. Ashamed about everything about himself.

He sat there, telling himself that he looked better this way.

But why did he feel so disgusted with himself? Of course, he always felt that way a little. But right now he just felt this overwhelming sense of disgust. He shook his head. He wouldn't think about this right now.

The bell rang, signaling that lunch was over. Magnus groaned quietly and picked up his bag off of the ground. He didn't want to go to his afternoon classes. He had art and then theater class. He didn't mind the classes, but the way he was feeling made him want to ditch. And plus some of the people who liked to pick on him were in his theater class. And he prayed that Alec wasn't in that class.

He sighed as he walked down the hall to his next class. He wasn't really upset with Alec anymore, but it still wasn't Alec's business whether or not Magnus starved himself. If he wanted to do that, then fine. But if Alec didn't like it, then he should just keep quiet.

But deep down, Magnus felt happy that someone besides his mother cared about his problem. Enough, to make sure he ate something. He smiled gently to himself and made the rest of the trip to his art class.

Alec wanted to go home and ditch his afternoon classes. But Hodge would tell his parents and he'd definitely be grounded when they came up. He wondered when they were going to be here. They had said a month, but knowing Alec's mother she would make them move before the month was up.

He grimaced when he walked to his next class. Art. Not that he didn't like the class, it was just he always felt like falling asleep in this particular class. When he came up to the door, he opened it quietly. The teacher looked up and quirked an eyebrow at him.

"I'm the new student, Alec Lightwood?" He said quickly.

The teacher nodded and waved his hand, dismissing him. Alec shrugged and went to take a seaat iin the back when something caught his eye. It was a faint shimmer of glitter. He only knew one person who wore glitter. And that was Magnus.

Alec wanted to turn around and walk right out of the classroom. He still felt terrible for what he said to Magnus, but he didn't want to talk to the sparkly boy right yet. But who said that he had to sit next to him or talk to him in this class anyway? No one did. So with an air of indifference he walked over to a table in the far left corner of the room. The table was unoccupied so he just put his book bag on the table and brought out his art supplies. He let his supplies scatter all over the table. He opened his sketch book and took one of his art pencils and began to draw.

He didn't exactly know what he was drawing at first. To him it looked like a pair of eyes. But he couldn't be so sure. It wasn't until he was darkening the lines that it made sense to him. The drawing was of a pair of eyes, but not just anyone's eyes. It was a drawing of Magnus' eyes. The unusual shape of his eyes, the heavy lines were he suppose was his eyeliner that he tend to wear.

Alec wanted to scold himself for being so careless and draw something like this. He sighed. He didn't want to like Magnus. But he did. Even though he knew next to nothing about him. Well, besides the fact that he knew that Magnus had a severe eating disorder. But that was only it. He wanted to get to know that sparkly teenager. But he probably wouldn't have that chance now because of the lunch time fiasco.

The bell rang and Alec gathered up his art supplies and shoved it into his book bag. He wanted this day to end already. School was boring enough, but it was even more boring because he was the new kid and no one wanted to talk to him.

He walked out of the art room and made his way to his last class of the day, french. French wasn't the second language of the United States but he felt that french was more interesting than Spanish. But most people he knew took Spanish over french. Alec wasn't one to follow trends so he took french.

He walked to his french class, wondering how Magnus was doing. Was he still upset about lunchtime? Would he forgive Alec if he apologized? Would he want to be Alec's friend again? Alec shook his head. He would try not to think about Magnus for the rest of the day.

But that was easier said than done.

Magnus sighed as he walked into the auditorium. It was one of his favorite places in the school besides the library. The teacher who taught theater was a nice short lady. She liked her students to called her Sally then by Mrs. Till She had pretty black hair that fell to her waist and big green eyes. She was by far Magnus' favorite teacher.

She didn't care if he sat out during theater because he was in one of those moods where you don't want to do anything. And she always had an ear opened if he needed someone to talk to. Magnus knew that this would be one of those days when he would need someone to talk to.

So instead of going up on stage he took a seat in the back of the auditorium. He liked it up there best. It was dark and quiet. Exactly what he needed today. Especially right now because he felt a headache forming. He knew he wouldn't be able to participate in class today. He sighed and leaned his head against the cool leather seat and tried to drown out the voices of his classmates.

Sally looked up at him with a worried expression. She had always worried about him. It broke her heart whenever he would come to her and say that he had a problem and needed someone to talk to. And most times he would just end up crying and say that his life wasn't worth it anymore. She had heard that so many times that she couldn't keep track anymore. She knew today would be one of those days when he would need to talk to someone desperately.

She sighed. But for now she had a class to teach.

Alec knew he should have ditched classes when he still had the chance to. His head had started to ache, five minutes into french class. He couldn't concentrate and the mumblings around the room seemed to be amplified. He wanted to groan. But that would cast attention on himself, and he wasn't fond of having attention on him. So he just sat there, with a raging headache and the urge to pass out or throw up.

He laid his head on the cool surface of the desk he was sitting in. He tried to get his breathing to even, but if he slowed his breathing the urge to throw up intensified. He closed his eyes tightly. He felt cold suddenly.

"Alexander?" The teacher called out, he couldn't be bothered to remember her name.

He lifted his head up a little bit. "Yeah?"

"Are you feeling alright?" She asked.

He shook his head. He shouldn't have done that because the throbbing in his head just got worst and his already queasy stomach was about to make him throw up the contents of it.

"Do you want to go home..?" She asked, concern lacing through her words.

"Yeah" He croaked out.

He picked up his things and tried to walk out of the room without crashing into anything. He never felt this sick before in his entire life. It was always minor head colds. But this, this was terrible. He felt cold, and his hand shook as he tried to open the classroom door. When he managed to get it opened, he stumbled into the hallway. He walked for a few minutes when he had to sit down. He leaned against a wall and tried to calm his erratic breathing.

He took out his cellphone and dialed the number that was oh so familiar. He held the phone up to his ear and waited for him to pick up.

"Hello?" He answered on the fifth ring.

"Hodge? I need you to come pick me up from school, right away" Alec said.

"Why? Whats wrong?" Hodge asked.

"I'm not feeling too good.. well, that's an understatement.. I feel terrible" He groaned. The pain in his head was just getting worst and now that he thought about it, there was a dull throb in his left wrist.

Hodge sighed. "Ill be there in ten, be outside by the time I'm there.. kay?"

"Will do" Alec mumbled. He hung up the phone and shoved it back in his pocket.

He pushed himself up off the floor and picked his bag back up. With a groan he walked down the rest of the hallway and made his way outside. It was bright and it was just making his headache worst. He wished he had a brought a pair of sunglasses with him from California. He could really use a pair right now.

He sat down on the concrete steps and buried his head in his knees. He sat there, still trying to calm his breathing. He was shivering now. He didn't know why he was so cold over a sudden. Or why he was suddenly feeling so sick. And the pain in his wrist just wouldn't go away. He lifted his head up and tugged up the sleeve of his sweater. What he saw made him want to throw up even more.

The cut that he had put on his wrist a week ago, was now bright red and oozing something. It was disgusting and it looked terrible. He hadn't noticed this until now. What did he do wrong this time? He always cleaned his cuts. His heart nearly stopped.

He remembered he was being angry at his parents for moving them to New York and decided that he would do everyone a favor and just get rid of his life slowly. So he didn't clean his razor as much as he always had and didn't clean the cut out either. He was so screwed right now, he would be laughing if his life wasn't on the line.

He saw Hodge pull into the parking lot. He pulled down his sweater sleeve and waited for Hodge to get out and come over. When Hodge was over, he helped Alec up and helped him into the car. Alec sighed he was finally sitting on the comfortable leather seat. He turned to face Hodge.

"Hodge? Would you mind taking me to the emergency room?"

Class was officially over and he was waiting to talk to Sally. He waited for everyone to clear out before going down to talk to her. When everyone was out, he took his book bag and walked down to the table that she usually sat at during classes. Directing everyone.

"Sally? I need to talk to you" Magnus said shyly.

She looked up at him and smiled gently. "Pull up a seat dear."

Once he was sitting, he just took a deep breath and got straight to the point.

"Sally? I've been having so many problems lately that it isn't even healthy. Yesterday I kind of came out to my dad, don't ask. I've been thinking that people would be so better off without me here, and then there's the new student. We were sort of friends but I don't know where I stand with him anymore! I'm just so confused and I don't know what to do" He said with one breath.

Sally looked sympathetic. "Magnus, how many times do I have to tell you? Your life is precious, you shouldn't go and say things like that. Not even if you truly believe in that. And I'm sorry if your dad didn't take it well, and tell me about this new student?"

Magnus smiled slightly. It was a rare thing that Sally saw. "He has blue eyes and black hair, my favorite. He's nice and sweet. He sat with me today at lunch, and we kind of got into a disagreement. But I don't know how I feel about him.. I mean I like him.. but I'm so scared and broken that I don't think I can like him.. if that makes sense.. I'm pretty sure it doesn't."

Sally looked at the broken boy. She wanted to help him, she really did. But she wasn't a therapist and she was pretty sure that he would hate her for bringing something like that up. She sighed.

"What I would do, is talk to him. Just talk things over and settle this disagreement" She said.

"You think that will work?" He asked, hopeful.

"Yes, now.. you should get going. Your parents might wonder where you're to" She said and shooed him away.

Magnus got up and grabbed his bag from the floor. He flashed her a smile, although it didn't reach his eyes. But it was a smile nonetheless.

"Thanks."

Hodge looked at Alec in confusion. "Why do you want to go to the hospital?"

Alec didn't want to show him the angry cut, but he rolled up his sweater sleeve gently and showed him that cut that was on his arm. He looked at Hodge, trying to decipher his reaction but his face was emotionless.

"That's why" He said blandly.

Hodge nodded and started the car. They sped out of the parking lot and down the road. Alec silently hoped that Hodge knew where he was going to. He didn't want to get lost. From what he could tell, he needed to get to a doctor ASAP.

Luckily, they found the hospital quickly. Hodge got out and opened Alec's car door. He helped him out and into the hospital. The receptionist's eyes sparked in recognition of the young Lightwood. Did he mention that his family was a topic of interest?

"My! What have we here?" She asked.

"He has an infected cut, its really bad. He needs to see a doctor quickly" Hodge said through clenched teeth.

The receptionist nodded. The next few minutes flew by in a way that Alec couldn't really remember. He did remember though, being pushed into a wheelchair and being pushed through doors and into a room. The doctor came in a few seconds after that. When he rolled up Alec's sweater sleeve so that he could see the cut, he looked a little freaked out.

And Alec just sat there, not really understanding how bad that this could be.

_A/n: Okay.. so how was that? Was it as terrible as I thought it was going to be? Did you guys like it? And again I'm terribly sorry that I hadn't updated in forever! But trust me, there will be more chapters to come! _

_Anyway, _

_review?_

_Chantelle oxo_


	6. Chapter 6

_A/n: Hey everyone! Sorry for the late update! I had this chapter written up, but I decided to go back and rewrite it 'cause the original just didn't flow right and i just didn't like it! So.. here is my second attempt at writing this! And I hope you guys liked the last chapter and forgive me for getting it up sooo late! _

_Anyway, enough of my blabber! I want to get this written before my mom tells me to go do dishes or something like that!_

_Enjoy!_

_Third Person POV:_

_Beep._

_Beep._

_Beep._

What was that annoying sound? Alec tried to open his eyes, but his eyelids felt so heavy. He tried again, this time they fluttered opened for a few seconds before he shut them again. The harsh fluorescent lights stung his eyes. He sighed, and opened them again. This time he left them opened. His eyes were a little blurry.

Beep. Beep. Beep.

There was that sound again. He looked over and saw that he was hooked up to machines. A feeling of dread settled into his stomach. Why was he here? He couldn't remember much. But he did remember fighting with Magnus at lunch, and calling Hodge. He couldn't remember much after that.

There was an itchy feeling in his left wrist. He looked down at it and was surprised to see white bandages and guaze wrapped around it. The dread in his stomach just made him feel more sick. He leaned back into the pillows a little more and tried to calm his heart.

He heard people coming into the room. If they were trying to be quiet, then they were doing a horrible job of it. He scrunched his nose up when he heard familiar voices.

"..Is he going to be okay?" One voice asked.

"He should be. We managed to flush whatever was in the cut out and clean it. But we had to put him under because he kept moving. He should wake up in a bit" He heard another explain.

He heard someone sit down, and take his cold hand in their own. Whoever was stroking his hand was starting to annoy him because they took his left hand and that was the one that was itchy. He groaned and opened his eyes. Although he wished he hadn't.

There, standing around him was his family. His mother, father, and Isabelle. They all had expressions of sorrow and pity on their faces. He felt his heart speed up a bit. And he knew they all heard it because the beeping picked up speed.

"Alexander? Sweetie, how are you feeling?" His mother asked softly.

"My wrist is itchy" He managed to croak out.

The doctors eyes widened and then he said, "It must be time to change your bandages."

The doctor then got new bandages and gauze. He unwrapped the old ones that were on Alec's wrist. He wished that he hadn't looked at the cut when everything was off. The cut looked better then before, but the cut still looked bad. The swelling had gone down quite a bit but there was still some swelling around the cut and there was still a little bit of blood oozing out. It made him want to throw up even more.

He was thankful when the new bandages were put on the cut. He didn't want to look at it anymore. He sighed and when the doctor had the bandages on. He leaned back into the pillows and waited for angry questions from his family.

"Hodge called us as soon as you were in surgery. He told us that we had to get up here as soon as possible. He said that you were really sick and didn't really know what was going on. But may I ask one question?" His mother said.

"Go ahead" He whispered.

She took a deep breath. "How did you get that cut?"

"I cut myself on a piece of metal, in the airport. I didn't tell anyone about it because I thought it was just a little scratch. I guess I was wrong." _Lies. Guiltless, twisted, lies. _

His mother looked skeptical, but bought the lie anyway. It wasn't that hard to fool her. She was quite unobservant to when her children were lying. She sighed and her cobalt blue eyes seemed to sadden.

"I'm just glad that your okay. I wouldn't be able to handle losing another child" She said.

Ouch. That was like a punch in the face, but with words instead of fists. She had to bring that up didn't she? She didn't know, how upset he was that he had to lose his little brother. No. She only cared that she still had two remaining kids. He just hoped that she didn't forget about Max most days.

"Yeah. Well.. I'm.. happy, to see you guys" He said. _Another lie. You don't want to see them. You wish to never see them ever again._

A nurse came in then. A timid expression on her face. Her face was flushed and her eyes were staring at anything but Alec.

"Yes?" Maryse said.

"Um, there's a v-visitor here to see A-Alec.." She stuttered.

Alec blushed. "Could you guys leave?"

Maryse sighed but nodded. She kissed his hand and got up from the leather recliner. Isabelle gave him a quick nod and his dad ruffled his hair. They trailed out of the room and Alec's visitor came in. Alec's heart sped up again. There, Magnus stood. He was colorful as ever and looked even sadder.

"Hey" Alec said quietly.

"Hi" He replied.

There was an awkward silence. Alec sighed. He didn't like this at all. When he first met Magnus, he was able to speak so freely with him. Even tell him about his problem. But now they couldn't even have a conversation without being awkward?

"Um, why don't you sit down?" Alec said, and motion for the chair that his mother had previously sat in.

Magnus nodded and made his way over to Alec's bedside. He sat down on the edge of the chair and looked down at his twisting hands. Alec wanted to sigh. But held it back. He just let the quietness settle over them.

"Alec.. I came here to apologize" Magnus said suddenly.

"What?" He asked.

Magnus sighed and looked at Alec. "I shouldn't have gotten so angry with you, when you wanted me to eat something. You were just looking out for me. But at the time my fear of eating got the best of me."

Alec laid in the uncomfortable hospital bed, dumbstruck. Magnus was _apologizing?_ It should have been Alec apologizing. He was the one who got angry with Magnus for not eating. He felt like the biggest asshole and jerk on the planet.

"Magnus. It should be me apologizing. I was the one who said all that hurtful stuff. And i should have known not to push you to eat. But I was afraid for you.. worried even" Alec admitted.

There was another semi awkward silence as they let this information process. Magnus surprised Alec by taking his pale hand in his own slightly tanned one. Alec was sure his heart was going to explode. Magnus arched an eyebrow at him.

"Is this okay?" Magnus asked, nodding down at their hands.

"Its fine" Alec managed to chock out.

It was more than okay. Alec loved the feeling of his hand in Magnus'. It scared him a little though. What if his family decided to barge in at any moment? They didn't know that he liked boys. He kept it a secret since he was twelve years old. If they found out this way, six years of his life would have gone down the drain.

"Everyone was talking about you at school too" Magnus muttered.

"Oh? Like what?" Alec asked.

Magnus shrugged. "They were just coming up with absurd reasons for why you left school early."

"Oh" Was all he said.

After that, there was a still, awkward silence that rang throughout the room. Maybe the awkwardness was cause by Magnus' hand circled around Alec's. Alec's heart was still thumping almost painfully in his chest. He felt like he was going to start hyperventilating. He tried his best to sit up, but it was no use. His body felt too heavy to move. So he laid there. He sighed, loudly.

"Erm.. Magnus? Could you.. um.. l-let go of my.. hand?" Alec stammered out.

Magnus blushed faintly and let go of Alec's hand. He looked slightly upset and that made Alec want to say that he could hold his hand again. But he held it back. His parents were right out by the door. And he couldn't risk getting caught holding another boy's hand. It would cause too many questions. Questions that he didn't want to answer right now.. or ever. Maybe never? He didn't know. But not now at least.

The nurse came back in, still looking a little timid and flustered. She said that visiting hours were over and that Magnus had to go home. Magnus sighed, and got up from the chair he was sitting in. He looked over at Alec for a moment before leaving the room. His family piled in after that to tell him, that they will be going home and that they would see him tomorrow. He just nodded and wished silently that Magnus could have stayed. But he wouldn't admit that to anyone.

As he laid there in the uncomfortable hospital bed, he wondered what it would be like if he hadn't moved to New York and meet Magnus. He knew that he would still be cutting, that much was clear. But his parents would have found out. Not Hodge who only kept it a secret because Alec threatened to get him fired if he ever told them. And so far, he hasn't told anyone.

He sighed. He was probably just over thinking everything.

x.o.x

Magnus walked home. He probably shouldn't have done that, but he didn't bring his car. And it was raining, which meant that he was getting his hair wet and ruined and his clothes ruined. But he couldn't bring himself to care. All that he had in his mind, was the image of Alec. He looked so pale and sick. And the thick bandages that were on his wrist. It made him sick.

He sighed. He couldn't begin to imagine what Alec was going through. It must hurt. The sadness. If he took to mutilating his creamy, white skin. The cuts that Alec had showed him on the night they met, looked painful enough. He couldn't imagine what the cut that made him so sick looked like. He probably didn't want to know anyway.

His stomach gurgled, begging for something to eat. He chosed to ignore it. If he didn't, he would probably give into temptation and eat a piece of toast or something. And that couldn't happen. Not if he wanted to be skinny. He hated when he felt the feeling of being hungry. It made him feel uncomfortable.

He walked up the little walk way to his house and didn't hesitate opening the door. He wanted to be out of the rain. It was cold, and his clothes were sticking to him more than they were before. His mother was sitting at the table in the dining room with his father. They both had sullen looks on their faces. It was probably because of him. He walked over to them an sat down at a chair.

"Whats wrong?" He asked.

"Nothing sweetie.. nothing. How about you go up to your room?" His mother suggested.

He shrugged, but got up from the chair and walked up the stairs anyway. His feet felt heavy on the plus black carpet. He wondered why his parents looked so stoic and quiet. They were never like that. They were always happy and full of life. But not right now. He sighed and shook his head. He walked to his bedroom door and opened it. He walked inside and closed the door behind him. He closed his eyes again for a moment. He walked over to his bed and flopped down onto it.

As he laid there, he tried to block out the sounds of his parents yelling.

_A/n: Okay.. I think this is the shortest chapter for this story.. but that's okay right? At least I updated! So I hope you liked this chapter! _

_Anyway, _

_Review?_

_Chantelle oxo_


	7. Chapter 7

_A/n: Hallo everyone! Here is the next chapter for Losing Myself! I hope you guys liked the last chapter! It was short, but I was pretty okay with it! Sorry about not getting this done quickly. A lot of things came up. And plus I started school a few weeks ago. So my life was just a mess for the last little while!_

_So, this chapter is going to be a little time skip chapter, kay? It wont be too bad cause I'm only making it skip a week! _

_So with that said.. lets get on with the chapter._

_Enjoy!_

_Third Person POV:_

The week following Alec's release from the hospital was.. eventful. Alec was allowed to go home a day after he woke up. His parents babied him until he gave them an order to leave him alone. He felt bad after that, so he apologized and said that he just wanted his space for a while. They didn't question him, so he was happy about that. He went back to school two days after he was sent home. He didn't want to miss much school because he hated falling behind on classes. And he hadn't talked to Magnus a whole lot after the whole hospital hand holding thing. It was like he was avoiding him.

Alec ran a hand through his hair. He sat at the little desk in the corner of his room working on homework that he had missed during the week he missed of school. The words kept blurring together. They seemed to be little jumbles of gibberish now. He couldn't concentrate on anything.

With a groan he got up from the chair he was sat in and started to pace around his room. He was wondering why Magnus was avoiding him. He couldn't get the glittery boy out of his head. It was ridiculous how much time he spent thinking about the boy he had just met a few weeks ago. He just couldn't get the image of him out of his head. His clothes, his skinny form, his spiky hair, his glittering makeup. It was all ingrained in his head.

He sighed loudly. Why couldn't his brain just function properly? He didn't want to think like this. His mind being occupied with the images of another boy that he barely knows. He sighed again and flopped down onto his bed. He closed his eyes. And there it was. The image of Magnus. He was always there.

He was startled when he heard a loud knock at his bedroom door.

"Alec? There's someone here to see you" Isabelle called out.

He sighed and got up from his bed. He walked over to the door and opened it. Isabelle stood there with a mischievous smile on her face. Alec wanted to groan or go hide somewhere. When Isabelle usually had that smile on her face, it meant that she was up to no good.

"Who is it?" He asked.

"Oh, just some really sparkly guy that just screams out 'flamer'" She smirked.

"Wh-what?" Alec stuttered.

Isabelle smiled even wider. "You like him don't you?"

Alec rolled his eyes. "Of course I like him, hes my friend."

"No. I meant that you _Like him_ like him. You know as in a _boyfriend_" She giggled.

"What! I do not! And I'm not.. y'know.." He trailed off.

"Uh huh. Keep telling that to yourself. I bet that in a few weeks, you'll be coming to me and asking how to kiss" She laughed.

Alec blushed a vibrant red, and pushed passed his little sister. He walked down the stairs with her rambling on about how cute it would be if they got together. And of course, he just kept his head down and denied that he wasn't interested in Magnus. Magnus was his friend, and only his friend.

When they got down to the living room, Magnus was sitting on the couch and looking very uncomfortable as Alec's parents asked him a bunch of questions. He walked in a little more and cleared his throat to get their attention.

"Hey Magnus. Mom, dad, were you embarrassing him?" He asked.

"Of course not, darling. We were simply asking him what he plans on doing after high school" Maryse said lightly.

Alec didn't look convinced. But he shrugged it off anyway. He motioned for Magnus to follow him, so Magnus got up from the couch he had been sitting on and followed Alec to the kitchen.

Alec turned to Magnus. "Have you eaten today?"

Magnus hesitated. Should he tell Alec? Or should he just say that he had already ate before leaving his house.

"And bother lying to me, Magnus" Alec added quickly.

He sighed softly. "No. I didn't."

Alec's expression then softened. "Then you're eating. What would you like?"

"I don't want anything, Alec.." Magnus said quietly.

"Magnus... Please.." Alec pleaded.

Magnus didn't know what was about the expression that Alec had on his face, but it was adorable. He just felt like breaking down and saying yes to something to eat. But he couldn't. He couldn't eat anything. He told himself that he couldn't eat at all today, because he had broken down an ate last night.

"Alec, I'm fine... seriously" Magnus sighed.

"Just eat a piece of toast? Just one?" Alec bargained.

"Fine" Magnus sighed heavily.

"Thank you! Now what do you like on toast?" Alec asked.

"Just butter" Magnus replied.

"How about peanut butter?" Alec said with a smile.

"Fine" Magnus repeated.

Alec smiled his cute dimpled smile and placed a piece of toast in the toaster. They waited for the toaster to pop. Magnus kept thinking how bad he was going to feel after this. How fat he was going to feel. How disgusted of himself. And how much of a failure he was.

The toaster popped and Magnus flinched visibly. He heard Alec walk around the kitchen, trying to find peanut butter and a knife. Within seconds there was a piece of toast handed to him. He looked at it, like it was going to kill him or something.

He sighed, for what seemed like the hundredth time since he got to Alec's place and took the toast from Alec's hand. He looked up and saw that Alec was looking at him expectantly. He cringed and brought the toast up to his mouth. He took a bite of the foul food and chewed slowly. He swallowed and saw that Alec had a slight smile on his face.

"Now was that so bad?" Alec asked.

"Yes" Magnus replied.

Alec's smile turned into a frown instantly. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be. You were only trying to help" Magnus said.

Alec rubbed the back of his neck. Magnus looked like he was in pain from eating a simple piece of toast. He suddenly felt bad that he made his friend eat. But he needed help. And who else was going to help him, if it wasn't going to be him?

"Um, do you wanna go up to my room?" Alec said with a red face.

Magnus had to resist the urge to giggle at Alec's face. "Sure."

Alec walked out of the kitchen, with Magnus trailing behind him. He still had the toast in his hand, he didnt really want to eat the rest of it. But he would feel bad if he wasted Alec's food. They walked up the stairs and kept walking until Alec came to a stop in front of a door on the very end of a hallway.

Alec cleared his throat. "Um, yeah, this is my room."

Alec opened the door, and Magnus peered inside. It was so Alec. It was simply white and dark blue. It suited Alec, Magnus found. Alec stepped inside his room, and Magnus followed. Alec closed the door and stood in the middle of his room, looking uncomfortable.

"Is this weird for you?" Magnus asked.

"Just a little. I never had anyone in my room before" Alec confessed.

Magnus couldn't help the small giggle that left his lips. Alec was just acting a little adorable. He was feeling uncomfortable because he never had anyone in his room before.

"Don't worry. I'm not going to do anything, or mess up your stuff. Here, Ill just sit on this chair" Magnus replied, and sat down on the chair that was beside him.

Alec smiled. He walked over to his bed and flopped down onto it. He stared at Magnus with his large blue eyes.

"What?" Magnus asked, feeling self conscious.

"Nothing. I'm just thinking how _you_ could think your overweight" Alec said, honestly.

Magnus shrugged. "I dunno. I just think I am."

"Don't think that. You're way too skinny" Alec replied with a blush.

They sat in silence for a few awkward moments. Then Alec cleared his throat again.

"So, what brought you over here today anyway?" He asked.

"My parents have been fighting. I got tired of it so I left" Magnus said.

"Oh. I'm sorry" Alec said softly.

"Don't be. Its probably nothing anyway" Magnus shrugged.

Alec patted the space beside him on the bed. Magnus raised an eyebrow at him. Alec nodded, and Magnus got up from the chair he was sitting on and sat next to Alec on the bed. He kept his distance from Alec. Just in case he felt uncomfortable.

"Are you okay with this?" Magnus asked.

"Yeah" Alec smiled.

They sat in silence for a few minutes. It wasn't uncomfortable, it was actually pretty nice. Just sitting there, without having to fill the silent void with conversation. Alec liked this. It was nice. He didn't have much peace with Isabelle around. She was always trying to start a conversation with him. Sometimes he just wanted to be left alone.

"How's your wrist doing?" Magnus asked.

"Its getting better, but I have to leave the bandages on for another week" Alec sighed.

"Oh. That must be horrible" Magnus commented.

Alec shrugged. "Not really. Most days I forget its there until it starts to itch."

"Oh" Was all Magnus said.

Alec got up from the bed and went over to his stereo. "Wanna listen to some music?"

"Sure. What do you have?" Magnus asked.

"Um, I have The Band Perry, Faber Drive, Linkin Park, Metallica, Aerosmith, and a few others. What do you feel like listening to?" Alec said.

"Uh.. how about The Band Perry" Magnus suggested.

"Okay" Alec replied and popped the Cd in.

They sat in silence for a few minutes again, until Magnus spoke up. "Don't you think it seems fair?"

"Huh?" Alec said.

"I mean, it seems fair don't you think? If you die young. I wouldn't mind it. My casket would be lined with roses, and I wouldn't mind if there was a love song played at my funeral either" Magnus rambled.

Alec took in a sharp breath. How could his friend be saying these kinds of things? It was terrible. He scooted closer to Magnus and wrapped his arms around his friend. He felt Magnus stiffen for a moment and then relaxed.

"How could you say that?" Alec whispered.

"I dunno. I just think dying young would be so much more preferable than dying when you're old. You would still look pretty. Whereas if you die old, you'll be all wrinkly" Magnus explained.

Alec untangled his arms from Magnus and leaned back on his pillows. He looked at Magnus. He looked like he was skinnier than the last time he saw him. Alec thought that Magnus really needed help, before it was really too late. And he didn't want to see his friend put in a hospital because he lost himself.

"Magnus, answer this honestly okay? Do you think the weight that you are now is healthy for someone your age and height?" Alec asked.

"Yes" He said at once.

"Magnus please listen to me, and try not to get offended okay? I'd say you are about 110 to 115 pounds. Do you know what a healthy weight for you would be? About 135 to 140 pounds. You are severely underweight. And if you don't get help soon you're going to die. And I don't want to see that happen" Alec said.

Magnus glared. "And how do you know so much about this? Huh?"

"You see that girl that walked downstairs with me? Shes my little sister. When she was fourteen or fifteen she went through exactly what you are going through. She had this idea that she had to be skinny as a broom handle in order for her friends and boys to like her. So she starved herself until the point she was hospitalized. During her stay at the hospital, she went through Rehab and got her life back on track. Now she eats healthy and exercises. She knows that she never wants to go through that ever again and scare us. And when she was hospitalized I stayed with her because my parents had my little brother to look after. So I learned quite a bit" Alec explained.

"I'm sorry that she had to go through that. But I think I'm at a perfect weight" Magnus sniffed.

"Magnus! You cant be serious. You are not healthy. And you're not going to get better if you don't get some help. Ill even go with you if you want. Just please" Alec pleaded.

"No. I don't need help, Alec. And if you don't mind, Ill be leaving" Magnus said and got up from the bed.

"Just so you know, Ill always be here if you need someone" Alec muttered before Magnus walked out the door.

Magnus didn't say anything, he just kept walking. Without a glance back at Alec. He didnt feel bad for leaving so abruptly. He was tired of Alec telling hime that he needed to get help. But there was this little nagging voice at the back of his head.

Would it be alright if he got help?

_A/n: Okay! So here's the end of chapter seven! I hope you guys liked this! And I'm sorry if it sucks.. I'm currently terribly sick and kind of out of it! So yeah! Oh and guess what? I'm getting help with my eating disorder next month. I'm really scared, but I think that this is for the better. So I can live my life without being scared of getting fat! So yeah! _

_Anyway, _

_Review?_

_Chantelle oxo_


	8. Chapter 8

_A/n: Hey everyone! Its been a good few months since I wrote anything for this story, and I was telling my best friend how I kind of miss it! So I decided to write something for this. And in other news and stuff; I'm getting better :) Still pretty underweight, but I think I'm coming along pretty well! And thank you to everyone who read my author's note! I appreciate your encouragement! _

_Oh! And I would suggest listening to Fix You by Coldplay! It's what I listened to while writing this to set the mood. _

_So, thank you and enjoy!_

_Third Person POV:_

Alec sighed angrily after Magnus left. He ran a hand through his shaggy black hair and laid his head down on his desk with a _thud_. He just wished that Magnus could see himself for who he truly was. He was getting sicker, from what Alec could tell. He picked his head up from the top of his desk and opened a drawer. In it sat a small silver razor. Alec's fingers tingled as he picked it up and got up from the desk and went to the bathroom.

Once he was in the bathroom, he closed the door behind him and locked it. He didn't want anybody to walk in on him doing this. It was only suppose to be his secret. But Magnus and Hodge knew. He didn't want them to know. He took in a shaky breath as he positioned the razor against his skin.

He ran the razor against his once pale skin. It stung for a moment and then it became numb. Alec smiled in a sick way. It was always like this. Pain and then numbness. It would never just be pain. He wanted to hurt. Hurting meant he was still alive. Alive enough on the outside, that is. He died on the inside a while ago.

He flicked the razor into the sick and slid to the floor. He just sat there, looking at the gleaming crimson seeping from his skin. He didn't know how many minutes passed by, it could have been hours for all he knew. He just sat there in plain silence and numbness. It was the only way out. The numbness. Nothing could ever compare to this.

He got up after a while and went to the sink. Holding onto the edge of it as a wave of dizziness washed over him. He took in a deep breath to clear his head and to calm his heart. He looked down at the cuts and turned on the taps. He washed the cuts and once that was done, dried them off and wrapped them in bandages. He pulled the sleeves of his shirt down over his arms so they were concealed. He did not need any of his family members pestering him about it. Especially Isabelle.

"Hey Alec! Are you in there?" Speaking of Isabelle.

Alec quickly washed the razor and the sink and put the razor in a cabinet. He opened his bathroom door. His little sister stood there with a sheepish grin on her face.

"What do you want, Isabelle?" Alec asked as he stepped out of the bathroom and closed the door.

Isabelle shrugged. "I just wanted to know if you would like to hang out. Y'know, sibling bonding time? Ever since _that_ happened, we've been drifting away. I miss you."

Alec felt a little bad for being so distant with his sister lately. It wasn't like he meant to. Their parents tried to keep them apart. But they were too close. He missed her too. He opened his arms and motioned for her to come over. She stepped into his arms and he wrapped her in a tight hug.

"I'm sorry Isabelle," He said.

"I know," She replied.

"I'm sorry I haven't been there for you lately," Alec muttered as tears started to trail down his face.

"It's okay. I forgive you no matter what," She said.

Alec tightened his grip on her. Isabelle had no idea how much her words meant to him. Him being told that he was forgiven no matter what, he been such a relief. He hadn't been the best big brother to her for a while. And she was right. They had been getting too distant lately. He didn't even know what her favorite color was anymore.

"Thank you Isabelle."

* * *

><p>As Magnus walked in through the door to his house, he noticed two things. One; he didn't know how cold he was until he was in the warmth. And two, it was unusually quiet in the house. He shook out his damp hair and water and glitter fell to the floor. He toed off his shoes and went to see where his parents were.<p>

And like usual, he found them in the kitchen. They sat in silence. Looking down at papers in front of them. His heart picked up pace as he approached them. They looked too unemotional. Like they were numb or something.

"What's going on?" He asked as he took a seat at the table.

"Should we tell him?" His mother asked his father.

"He's going to find out later anyway," His father replied gruffly.

His mother turned to him. Unshed tears were in her light green eyes. She took his hand in her own and began to rub circles on his bony hand. Her frown deepened but she didn't question him. She took a deep breath and looked into Magnus' eyes.

"Sweetheart, you father and I decided that our marriage isn't working out anymore. We're getting a divorce," She said gently.

Magnus felt his blood run cold and his heart gave a painful lurch in his chest. He took his hand away from his mother's. He glared at them.

"Please say that this is just a sick joke," He said.

"I'm afraid not sweetheart. We have the papers here and everything," His mother replied sadly.

He refused to listen anymore and got up from the chair he was sitting on, almost robotically he left the kitchen and went up to his bedroom. When he stepped into the room he slammed the door as hard as he could behind him. He didn't care how much trouble he would be in later. Right now everything was falling apart before him. He thought his parents were in love. Had the most stable marriage that he ever knew. He felt sick. All this time they were just playing a game of house.

He fell to the floor and let the tears just flow freely. He didn't know what he was going to do. He was probably going to stay with his mom because he and his father never had that much of a bond, whereas he and his mother were close.

With shaking hands and reached into the pocket of his jeans and took out his cellphone. He unlocked it and went to his contacts. He touched the screen where Alec's name was and pressed 'call number.' He prayed that Alec would pick up. He needed to hear Alec's voice. He wanted Alec by his side right now. He didn't want to be by himself. He picked up on the fourth ring.

_"'Lo?"_ Alec said.

"A-Alec?" Magnus' voice cracked and he started to sob.

_"Magnus? What's wrong?"_ Alec said in a panic.

"C-can you come over?" Magnus replied through his sobs.

_"I'll be there in a few minutes" _He said.

"Thank you" Magnus whispered and hung up.

Magnus sat there in a haze of his tears. The sobs were becoming almost painful. He laid down on his carpeted floor, not being able to get up and move to his bed. He laid there and just cried. Feeling the worst he's ever felt in a while. He just wished that he could wake up and that this was all a bad dream. But he knew it wasn't a dream and that this was actually happening. His parents were getting a divorce, Alec probably hated him and he was slowly dying and he couldn't bring himself to care.

He lifted his head as he heard a knock on his bedroom door. He croaked out something that sounded like 'come in' and Alec appeared in his doorway. A concerned look on his face as he closed the door gently behind him and locked it.

"Magnus? What's wrong?" Alec asked as he knelt down by Magnus' side.

Magnus tried to sit up. Alec helped him up. Magnus gave Alec a small smile and leaned his head against the wall next to the door. His tired and damp eyes were on Alec's face. There was a light dusting of pink on his cheeks and his eyes looked like a stormy blue. It was almost painful how beautiful Alec was. Magnus took a deep, shuddering breath.

"My parents are getting a divorce. I didn't know what to do so I called you," Magnus said quietly.

His eyes widened when he felt Alec's arms encircle him. He returned the hug, tightly, and he let his head rest on Alec's shoulder. He felt his chest constrict painfully, and he started to sob again. Alec just tightened his hold on him and rubbed his back soothingly, and whispered that it was going to be alright in his ear. Magnus just cried even harder.

They sat like that for a while. Magnus calmed down and started to doze off in Alec's arms. He smiled at the feeling and picked Magnus up without little effort and gently placed him on his large bed. Alec retreated to the desk chair in the corner of the room and just looked around the room.

It was definitely something Magnus painted himself. It was painted different colors and had glitter everywhere. The only thing that was dark in his room was his bed frame and dressers. Everything else was brightly colored and just screamed 'happiness.' But Alec knew better. Even though he didn't know Magnus that long, he knew enough to know that Magnus wasn't that happy.

His thoughts were interrupted when Magnus rolled over and opened his eyes. Alec's heart pained at the sight. Magnus' eyes were red and puffy from all the crying he did and he still had unshed tears in his eyes.

"A-Alec? Will you lie down with me?" Magnus asked.

Alec felt his face heat up. "S-sure."

He took off his shoes and climbed onto Magnus' bed. He laid down on the left side and turned to Magnus. Hesitantly, he put his arms around the other boy's small frame and gently pulled him into his own chest. He heard Magnus give a shuddering sigh and laid his head on Alec's shoulder and placed a hand on his chest. Alec smiled down at his friend. He didn't know why but he felt so comfortable, whereas other guys would be creeped out. He didn't know what he felt for his friend but he couldn't bring himself to contemplate that right now. He moved a piece of Magnus' hair back from his face.

"I will try to fix you, I promise Magnus," He whispered.

He took one more look at his friends sleeping face and closed his eyes.

* * *

><p>A little while later, Magnus' mom went up to her son's room to check up on him. When she tried to turn the doorknob, it was locked. She sighed and took a key from her pocket and unlocked the door. When she opened the door, she gave a small gasp.<p>

Her son was lying on his bed, wrapped up in another boy's arms. They looked so peaceful and tranquil. She smiled and hoped that their friendship or relationship worked out for them. She didn't want to see her son hurt the same way she did.

She shook her head and closed the door gently. A small smile on her face as she walked downstairs.

_A/n: Alright, so how was that? I think that this is my favorite chapter I've written for this story. We get a little bit of Alec/Isabelle sibling bonding moment and we finally see Magnus crumbling and Alec helping him. I am thoroughly happy with this chapter. And I hope you guys are too! And once again, I'm sorry for the long wait for an update. _

_Review?_

_Chantelle, oxo._


	9. Chapter 9

_A/n: Hello everyone! I am in a really great mood today so I decided to write up another chapter! I would like to thank everyone who took the time to review! I appreciate it. And thank you to everyone who favorited/alerted and just read the story! You guys are great! I would like to thank TheColdFlame for giving me an idea for this chapter as well! _

_I would suggest listening to Something About The Sunshine by Sterling Knight! I know its a Disney song but I love it cause its so upbeat and happy! And Savior by Black Veil Brides (There were many nights I would just curl up in my favorite baggy sweater and sweat pants and just cry to this song.)_

_Anyway, _

_Enjoy! _

_Third Person POV:_

When Magnus woke up his eyes stung a bit and he was extremely warm and comfortable. He closed his eyes again and snuggled into the pillow again. He stayed like that for a few moments when he realized that his pillow was _breathing_. His eyes flew opened and he was face to face with Alec. And he took notice that their lips were in close proximity of each other.

He tried to wiggle his way out of Alec's grasp but Alec tightened his grip on him. Magnus tapped Alec's shoulder lightly and Alec stirred, his eyes opened a bit and then all the way. Alec's face started to turn pink and then he released Magnus from his arms. He sat up and rubbed his eyes.

"What time is it?" Alec asked.

"Um, I think it's 12:00 in the afternoon," Magnus replied.

"Huh? I slept over?" Alec said confusedly.

"Yep," Magnus said simply.

Alec groaned and flopped back down onto the bed. One arm was draped over his eyes and the other was on his stomach. He moved his arm from his eyes and looked up at Magnus, his blue eyes sparkling with mischief. He sat up and moved closer to Magnus, a smirk on his face along with his characteristic blush.

"Since I'm over here anyway, I'm going to take you out. Today will be all about you! So whatever you want to do, we can do it. As long as it doesn't involve getting in trouble with the law," Alec said with a laugh.

"Okay! And let's start now. I'm going to dress you up. I should have some clothes that might fit you," Magnus replied with a large smile.

Alec groaned. "Do you really have to do that?"

"B-but you said anything," Magnus said with tears forming in his eyes again.

"Okay, okay! You can dress me up," Alec grumbled.

Magnus cheered and got up from his bed. He went to his closet and started to poke around for clothes that would fit Alec. He came across a pair of black skinny jeans that still had glitter and paint splashes on them, and a tight black shirt. Magnus nodded his head and decided that Alec would look very good in these. He walked back over to Alec and threw the clothes at his face.

"Go put those on," He said.

Alec sighed and went to the bathroom down the hall from Magnus' bedroom. Once Alec was out of the room, Magnus went straight to his vanity and went to work on his makeup. As he sat there applying different kinds of makeup in various colors, he thought about the way he felt when he woke up in Alec's arms. He _did_ feel a little confused at first but as the confusion melted away there was only content and warmth. He felt so safe and happy iin Alec's arms, and he wished that he could wake up like that every morning. He had the best sleep he had in a while. And it was thanks to Alec.

He got up from the vanity and went to find clothes. He picked out a lime green t shirt and black skinny jeans. He threw them onto the bed and took off the shirt he had worn the day before.

As he drew the shirt over his head, the door opened.

"S-sorry, Ah.. I'm er, going to go.. to the bathroom. Again," Alec stuttered and then raced out of the room.

Magnus was left standing in the middle of the room with his shirt half off. He tore it up over his head quickly and pulled on the clean one. He took off the jeans he wore the day before and hurriedly pulled the other pair up over his legs. Magnus couldn't believe Alec saw him shirtless. He was probably disgusted with what he saw. That could be the only reason he ran out of the room so quickly. Magnus sat down on the edge of his bed and hung his head in his hands.

Why couldn't he just be normal, for once?

* * *

><p>Alec didn't mean to run out of Magnus' room so quickly. He honestly didn't. But the other boy was just standing there with his shirt up over his body, and he saw how <em>skinny<em> his friend was. He just wished that Magnus would get better.

He sighed and ran his hands through his long black hair. His fingers were aching to hold the small silver razor, that he left at home. He didn't want Magnus to know that he still cuts. He wasn't sure if he did want to stop.

He took a deep breath to calm his erratic heart and stepped out of the bathroom and went back to Magnus' room. He knocked this time and when he heard Magnus calling out 'Come in!' he opened the door slowly, and saw that Magnus was sitting on his bed with his head in his hands.

Alec went over to him and put an arm around his shoulders. He felt his friend shudder and he quirked an eyebrow. A blush rising up on his pale face. Magnus leaned into his side and gave another shudder. Alec got up from the bed and pulled Magnus up with him. He pulled his friend into his arms and held him tightly, as he cried again. They stood there for a good few minutes.

"Shh, it's okay. It's alright. But, why are you crying again?" Alec asked softly.

Magnus sniffled. "Sometimes, I'm so scared that you'll just see how hideous I am and just stop being my friend. Alec, I don't know what I'd do without you anymore."

"Well," Alec cleared his throat. "I'm glad you feel the same way. You're my first best friend."

Magnus lifted his head from Alec's shoulder and gave Alec a watery smile. Alec returned the smile and wiped away the tears that were still flowing down Magnus' face. Alec was sure that he was beet red by now. This whole situation seemed so intimate. But he was glad that Magnus trusted him this much.

"Now, do you want to fix your makeup before we go? Or do you want to stay in?" Alec asked.

Magnus shook his head. "No, I still want to go out. Just let me fix this before we leave."

Alec nodded his head and went to sit on Magnus' bed while Magnus fixed his makeup. Alec didn't know why people had to use so much of the stuff. Really, it was covering up all of your natural beauty and hiding it under bottled beauty. It just didn't make sense to Alec.

"Magnus, why do you use so much makeup?" Alec blurted out.

"Its to hide all of my imperfections," Magnus said without looking away from the mirror in front of him.

"Well, you don't need it. You're perfect to me," Alec replied with a blush.

Magnus didn't say anything after that. He just sat at the mirror fixing himself with eye pencils and a tube of black stuff. Once he was done, he got up and smiled at Alec and then motioned to the bedroom door.

"Are we going to go now, or what?" He asked.

"Alright! Let's go," Alec said.

They walked out of the house and went to Alec's car which was parked in front of the house. Alec unlocked the doors with a button on his keys and opened the passenger side door for Magnus. He blushed a little and went to the drivers side. When he got in he turned to Magnus.

"So, what do you want to do? Anything you want," Alec said.

Magnus thought about it for a few moments. "Can we go shopping?"

Alec bit his lip. He didn't particularly like shopping, but for Magnus he would go anyway. He sighed and turned on the car. He looked over at Magnus and softly smiled at him.

"Sure, we can go shopping if that's what you want," He said.

"Really?" Magnus asked, his eyes alight with excitement.

"Yeah," Alec replied.

Magnus smiled brilliantly, and Alec pulled away from the curb. They drove through the city in comfortable silence. Alec didn't really like not having any background noise so he turned on the radio and found the local station and hummed along to it. He looked out of the corner of his eye and saw that Magnus was staring at him.

"What?" He asked.

"Nothing, I just never pegged you as someone who likes to sing," Magnus replied.

"I don't do it often," Alec admitted.

"I think you have a nice voice," Magnus said softly.

And that's how far their conversation went as the continued to drive around the bustling city. Magnus stared out the windows and watched as buildings, trees, and people passed by. He sighed. He wanted to get out of this city sometime. He lived here his entire life and never even left the state. He wanted to see the world. Maybe go to Europe, or Asia to see his grandparents, or maybe even Canada. He didn't care where, he just wanted to leave.

When they arrived at the mall, the drove around for a few minutes trying to find a parking space in amongst the ones that were already taken. They found one at the very end of the lot. Alec turned to Magnus with a sheepish grin on his face.

"I hope you don't mind walking," Alec said.

Magnus shrugged. "Doesn't bother me."

Alec gestured for Magnus to stay in the car for a minute and he got out. He went to Magnus' side and opened the door, offering Magnus his hand. Magnus took it gently in his own and got out of the car. Alec shut the door and locked the car and they made their way into the large, towering building. Alec didn't let go of Magnus' hand.

"So, where do you want to go first?" Alec asked.

"Can we go to the music store? I haven't been there in a while," Magnus replied almost pleadingly.

Alec smiled. "Sure, just lead the way."

Magnus nodded and walked in the general direction of the music store. He couldn't help but notice all the people staring at his and Alec's entwined hands. He just shook his head and tried to not let it bother him. His grip on Alec's hand got a bit tighter.

"Is there something wrong?" Alec asked.

"Everyone is staring us," Magnus sighed.

Alec shrugged and looked around him. People _were_ staring and he felt like he should be embarrassed about holding another boy's hand in public, but he didn't feel embarrassed at all. If anything, he felt a little annoyed at the people staring. Its not like it was their business the he and Magnus were holding hands.

Magnus pulled him into the music store and released his hand to go wander around the store. Alec went to go find the rock music section to see if they had a _Breaking Benjamin _or _Black Veil Brides_ CD. He found the section easily enough. But they only had the _Black Veil Brides_ CD that he wanted. He picked it up and went to go look for Magnus, when he bumped into someone. He looked up and saw a very annoyed looking girl that looked out of place in the store.

"Watch were you're going," She snapped.

"S-sorry," He said.

She smiled a sickly sweet smile. "Its okay, _sugar_."

Alec wanted to vomit. He couldn't believe this girl was trying to hit on him. It was gross.

"I, um.. er," He stuttered.

"Oh, you're speechless because of _me_! How _cute_," She cooed as she came a little too close for Alec's comfort.

And then he heard foot steps behind him, and felt arms wrap around him from behind. He turned around to see Magnus glaring at the girl in front of them. Her eyes widened and she stuttered something incomprehensible and ran out of the store. Alec sighed, and then blushed.

"Thanks for saving me," Alec breathed.

"No problem," Magnus said. He sounded.. off.

Alec took the CD that was in Magnus' hands and took them to the cash to pay for them. He placed both of them on the counter and Alec pulled out a couple of twenty dollar bills. Magnus glared at him.

"Why are you paying for me?" He asked.

"I said _I_ was taking you out. That also means paying for your stuff too," Alec replied and handed the money to the person at the cash register.

Magnus sighed but didn't say anything else. After they were done at the music store they went to a couple of other places and Alec bought various things. Even a pair of girls jeans that would fit Magnus. He had to lie to the sales person, and told her that they were for his younger sister and not his male best friend. He hid the jeans in a different bag so Magnus wouldn't see them. He wanted to surprise him.

After they stopped into the food court, which Alec made sure to persuade Magnus into eating a bite of the burger that he bought for himself. Alec had smiled at Magnus and got an eye roll in return. Once Alec was done, they picked up their shopping bags and headed out to the car, hand in hand.

Alec took the bags and placed them in the backseat of the car and grinned to himself. He hoped that Magnus would like the next part of their day out.

"So, Magnus," Alec began as he got in the car. "I was thinking we go somewhere a little different now."

"Okay," Magnus replied and closed his eyes.

Alec sighed. Magnus was really attractive. And he wasn't sure what he felt for him. He just hoped whatever he felt for him wouldn't ruin their friendship. It would hurt so badly if he lost his best friend because of some little crush. And he was almost sure that Magnus wouldn't like him anyway. He was too broken to be loved. Nobody wouldn't want to love someone who's broken.

Alec drove to a little place that he saw along the way to the mall. He thought that since he couldn't be with Magnus all the time, that he should at least have a little company. He stopped and parked when he drove into the parking lot. He reached over and gently shook Magnus' shoulder.

"Come on," Alec said and got out.

"Alec, why are we at an animal shelter?" Magnus asked as he got out of the car as well.

"You'll see," Alec replied with a mischievous glint in his eyes.

They walked into the animal shelter and took a look around. There were many animals, mostly dogs and cats though. Alec felt a little sorry for all of them. They came across a little snow white kitten with large blue eyes. Alec looked over at Magnus and could tell that Magnus had fallen in love with the little kitten.

Alec sneaked away from Magnus and went to see the volunteer about adopting the kitten. Once everything was signed, the volunteer went over to the cage and unlocked it and brought the kitten out and handed him to Alec.

"I adopted this little guy for you, Magnus," Alec said cutely.

Magnus' smile was blinding and he hugged Alec, trying to not squish the little kitten in his arms.

"Thank you."

* * *

><p>A little while later they were back at Magnus' house. They had smuggled in the kitten and had run up to Magnus' bedroom before his parents could see the kitten. When they gotten to Magnus' room they closed the door and locked it and giggled a little bit. Alec had sat the kitten on the floor and he was now roaming around while they sat on the bed, watching him.<p>

"So, what are you going to name him?" Alec asked.

Magnus thought for a moment. "Chairman Meow."

Alec laughed and shoved Magnus a little. Magnus shoved him back, a little harder, which made Alec fall off the bed. He glared up at Magnus and pulled him down onto the floor with him. Magnus sighed and snuggled into Alec's chest.

"Is this okay?" Magnus asked in a breathy whisper.

"Its fine," Alec said.

It was more than fine, it was perfect. But he wasn't about to tell Magnus that.

So, this quiet moment shared between them, was all he needed for now.

_A/n: Okay, so how was this? I'm not as pleased with this chapter as I was with the last one but I still like it! And I hope you guys do too! _

_Review?_

_Chantelle oxo_


	10. Chapter 10

_A/n: Hey everyone! I'm in an extremely great mood right now, even though its twenty to one in the night here and I'm a little sleepy :P I went out with my mom and aunt and baby cousin today for some big sporting event thing that my city has every year and on the way home I was telling my mom how I feel like I'm gonna miss out on something on tumblr if I go out, and when I got home and refreshed tumblr.. I found out that Alec has been cast! So, that put me in a really great mood :P_

_So to celebrate finally getting the two halves of Malec, I decided to give you guys this chapter! _

_Just A Kiss__ by Lady Antebellum would be a fitting song for this chapter ;)_

_Anyway, Enjoy!_

_Third Person POV:_

For once in a very long time, Magnus was truly happy. He had Alec as his best friend and he now had a kitten. Something that he wanted for a while, but his dad would flip if he knew that there was a cat in the house. He never did like animals, and Magnus could only imagine what would happen to the poor thing if his dad got his hands on him. Magnus shuddered.

But lying there on the floor with Alec, his head tucked into the crook of his friends neck and having Alec's arms around him just made him feel so safe and secure. He wished it could be like this all the time. But he knew it couldn't. Alec wouldn't like like him that way, ever. He was just too fat to be loved. But he guessed that this was as close to love as he would ever get. So he decided to enjoy it while it lasted.

He closed his eyes and breathed in softly. Alec smelled like sandalwood and something else. Something entirely unique. He shifted a little and brought one of his hands up to Alec's chest. He placed it over his heart and felt Alec's heart pick up pace. He smiled to himself. He started to draw little designs around Alec's heart with his finger, humming softly to himself.

After a while, Magnus began to wonder what it would be like to kiss the other boy. His mouth looked so soft and gentle. He could only imagine what it would be like. Would there be that certain _spark_, that someone usually felt? Would he see fireworks? He shook his head internally. He was thinking about it, like it was his first kiss. He rolled his eyes at that. No, his first kiss was stolen from him a while ago.

Their quiet moment was interrupted by a growling noise. Magnus opened his eyes and blushed, knowing it was his stomach that made the noise. Alec started to sit up, and Magnus got up off his chest sat sat across from him on the floor. Alec was staring at him, a soft expression on his face. He took Magnus' hand in his own and began to play with his fingers.

"Magnus? Will, you please eat something?" He asked softly.

Magnus sighed. "Will it get you off my back if I did?"

Alec nodded his head. "Yes."

"Alright, I'll eat something. But I'm not going to like it," Magnus said.

"Okay. Before all this happened, what was your favorite thing to eat?" Alec asked, looking up at Magnus.

"I use to love chocolate dream cake with rainbow sprinkles and ediable glitter," He admitted.

Alec released Magnus' hands and stood up. He held out his hands for Magnus to take them. He took them and Alec helped him up off the floor. He blushed slightly at the closeness they had. He looked up into Magnus' eyes and he could tell that Magnus was starting to lean his head down, so he started to lean up. His eyes were slowly closing, and his heart began to pound in his chest. This would be his first kiss.

Thier lips were so close to touching, but then Magnus' stomach began to growl again. They jumped away from each other. Both of them were started. And Alec had a had time trying to calm down his speeding heart.

"So," Alec cleared his throat. "Lets go make you a cake."

* * *

><p>As they walked down the stairs, Magnus couldn't help but think of what could've happened between him and Alec a few moments ago. In other words, he was silently cursing at his stomach for ruining such a good moment. If only his stomach hadn't decided to growl at that moment. Then maybe he and Alec wouldn't be walking down these stairs. Maybe they would still be up in his room, possibly making out. Wishful thinking.<p>

Once they were down the stairs, they went straight to the kitchen. Magnus took out one of his mothers old cook books and found the recipe for the cake that they were going to make. Magnus remembered how good it tasted. And he would feel a little bad for eating it. He knew it was full of calories and fat. But the look on Alec's face when he said that he would eat, was much too priceless. He looked so happy that Magnus couldn't break that. No matter how disgusting he felt.

"Alright, so what do we need?" Alec asked.

"Um, flour, sugar, butter, shortening, water, baking cocoa, buttermilk and eggs," Magnus listed off all the ingredients they would need.

Once Magnus was done listing out all the ingredients, they went around the kitchen looking for the stuff. Once everything was gathered they set to work on mixing everything together. It was comfortable silence for the most part. Magnus could hear Alec humming softly to himself. He smiled deviously to himself, and took a handful of flour and tossed it at Alec.

Alec turned to him with a playful glare. "Oh, its on."

Magnus let out a tiny shriek and started to run around the kitchen, not wanting to get his hair ruined. But Alec caught up. He threw flour at Magnus' back. Magnus in retaliation threw an egg at his best friend. Alec glared playfully at him again and this time smudged chocolate batter across his face and down his neck.

He had Magnus pinned in between his body and the island in the kitchen. He leaned into Magnus, bringing their lips closer. They were so close that Alec could smell Magnus' cologne or perfume. They were almost about to touch lips when they heard a shrill scream.

"What happened here?" Magnus' mother said, as they jumped apart.

Magnus rubbed the back of his neck. "We tried to make a cake."

"It looks like you destroyed my kitchen," His mother replied.

"Sorry mom," Magnus said sheepishly.

"Its fine. Can you boys leave while I clean up up this disaster?" She asked politely.

They both nodded, and left the kitchen. They could still hear Magnus' mother muttering about her destroyed kitchen. It wasn't that bad really.

"I think I should go now.. my parents are probably wondering where I'm to," Alec said.

Magnus looked sullen. "Alright."

"But call, or come over if you need anything. Okay?" Alec said.

"Okay," Magnus replied.

Alec smiled and gave Magnus a hug that lasted a little too long for being 'just friends.' But Magnus wasn't complaining. He just wished that Alec would hold him like this all the time. But again, wishful thinking.

Alec released Magnus, and walked out the door. His arms feeling strangely empty.

* * *

><p>As Alec drove home, he couldn't stop thinking of what had happened today. He had taken Magnus out for the day, which seemed a little like a date, adopted a kitten for him, and almost kissed him. Twice. His heart thudded painfully in his chest. He had no idea what to think of this.<p>

The almost kisses kept playing through his mind all the way back to his house. He didn't even stop thinking about them as he stepped in through the door of his house. He took off his shoes, knowing his mother hated getting dirt on the immaculate white carpet, and padded into the living room. HIs parents looked up at him when he entered the room.

"Where were you to, young man?" His mother asked in one of those 'you are in trouble' voices. The one she used when he forgets to take off his sneakers.

"I was.. out," He said plainly.

"Out where?" She asked.

"Out with a friend," He replied and left the room.

He went striaght to the bathroom after he left the living room. His fingers had been aching to hold the silver razor all day, and he wasn't about to ignore it for much longer. When he walked into the bathroom, he closed the door behind him and locked it. He then went to look for the razor. He found it where he hid it the last time.

He sat on the floor and brought the razor to his arm. He dug it in a little and then dragged it across the once pale flesh of his arm. He repeated the action a coupple of times on both of his arms. When he was done, he flicked the razor to aside and just sat there. He felt like he was floating. Who needed drugs to feel high, anyway? Doing this felt so much better than drugs anyway.

He took a couple of deep breaths and stood up on shaky legs. He tried to keep his arms leveled so that the cuts wouldn't drip blood onto the white tiles. He turned on the sink and brought his arms under the luke warm water. When he was done cleaning them, he wrapped the grisly looking gashes in bandages and went to his room.

* * *

><p>A little while after Alec left, he was in his room, trying to ignore the sounds of his parents fighting. For the last few days they had been like this. It only gotten worst after they had told him about their divorce that was coming up. He didn't quite know why his dad was still here anyway. He should have left a while ago.<p>

He sighed. He got up from the floor, where he was playing with Chairman Meow and went downstairs. He stood at the bottom of the stairs and watched as the madness unfurled before him. His parents looked like they were about to kill one another. It was a little frightening.

"THIS IS ALL OUR FAGGOT SONS FAULT," His dad finally screamed.

Magnus flinched. The movement must have caught his father's eye, because he came barreling toward him. A ferocious look on his face. Magnus was never truly afraid of his father until this moment.

"This is all your fault," He snarled.

He didn't see his father's hands move, but felt them tight on his neck. His heart pounded wildly in his chest and he tried to gasp for air. He had absolutely no clue what to do.

"Leave him alone!" His mother screamed.

"And why should I?" His father yelled back, but his hands never left Magnus' throat.

"Because if you don't release him this instant, I will call the police," His mother said in a low voice that said she was angry and she wasn't afraid to call the police.

His father finally let go of him and he fell to the floor, gasping and choking. He looked up at his dad, his eyes wide and tearful. His dad sneered at him.

"Don't look at me," He spat at Magnus.

Magnus got up on shaking legs. He walked past his parents and went to the door. He stopped there for a moment and turned back to them.

"I wouldn't look at you anymore, anyway. You're no father to me," He said and then walked out the door.

He didn't know where he was going to go. The tears in his eyes finally spilled over and he began to sob. He wished his dad didn't hate him so much and be so homophobic. He wished that he had an accepting dad, who accepted him for who he was. For all his faults, flaws, and mistakes. But that was too much to ask for. Instead he got a dad who wanted him dead.

He walked around until he decided where he was going. He decided that he was going to take Alec up on his offer and go to his place. He honestly hoped that Alec wouldn't mind him coming over. He didn't even tell him that he was going to be over, because he didn't bother to go back up to his room to get his phone.

His heart stopped for a moment. He hoped that his dad wouldn't go into his room. Chairman Meow was still in his room. Probably waiting for him to go back and play with him. But that wasn't happening right now. He couldn't go back to his house. Not after his dad tried to kill him. He brought a hand up to his neck and flinched a little. It hurt, quite a bit. He was sure he was going to have bruises there in the morning.

He sighed as he came up to the Lightwood's house. He walked up the little pathway and came to the large Mahogany door. He knocked on the door a few times, and waited for someone to answer. It was only a few moments later when Alec's mother answered the door.

"Oh! Hello Magnus, may I help you?" She asked.

"Is Alec here?" He replied through chattering teeth.

"Yes, he's up in his room. Why don't you come in and up on up?" She suggested.

He nodded and stepped into the house and toed off his boots. "Thank you."

Magnus made his way up to Alec's room with heavy feet. The fact that his dad tried to _kill him_ was still processing through his mind. He took a deep breath. Even his throat stung from doing that. When he came to Alec's bedroom door, he knocked kind of timidly.

"Come in!" He heard Alec call out.

He opened the door and saw Alec sitting at his desk with his computer opened. Magnus walked inside and closed the door. Alec looked up from his computer and a look of concern washed over his face. He stood up and walked over to Magnus.

"What happened?" Alec whispered as he gently touched the angry red marks on his friends neck.

Magnus felt the tears flow heavier. "My dad tried to kill me."

"What!" Alec said incredulously.

"My dad tried to kill me," Magnus repeated. "He said that his marriage with my mom isn't working because it's my fault. He called me a faggot and then proceeded to try and strangle me. If it weren't for my mom threatening to call the police on him, I probably wouldn't be here."

After Magnus was done talking, Alec brought him into a hug. It was one of those hugs where the person hugging you was trying to convery that everything was going to be okay and that you're safe and loved. Magnus returned the hug and pressed face into the crook of Alec's neck.

Alec pulled away slightly and Magnus raised his head up. Alec had a peculiar expression on his face and he started to lean up. Magnus caught on immediately and started to lean down. This is the moment he had been waiting for all day. His breath came in as little gasps and his heart felt like it was going to jump from his chest at any moment.

Magnus let his eyes close as Alec brought their lips together in a soft, gentle kiss. He shifted and brought his hands up to Alec's shoulders instead of letting them fall to his sides. It was the best second first kiss he ever had. He felt Alec's tongue poke out and probe his bottom lip, he let his mouth open a little and Alec's tongue invaded his mouth. Their breaths and tongues mingled together. But far too soon, Alec pulled away. His face was flushed.

"That was-"

"Amazing."

_A/n: And I'm gonna leave this here :) I'm actually pretty pleased with this chapter and you guys finally get the long awaited for, kiss! I hope this was satisfactory :P Seeing as how I tried to build up toward the kiss! Overall, I think this was a cute chapter!_

_Anyway, I should go to bed soon.. its 3:30 in the morning here! _

_Review?_

_Chantelle oxo_


	11. Chapter 11

_A/n: Hey everyone! I am so terribly sorry for taking so long with this chapter.. Most of last month was spent getting ready for school, which started last week. And let me tell you.. High school isnt fun at all (its starts in grade ten here) and I've also been dealing with drama with my boyfriend.. so things were pretty busy._

_And I'm also on tumblr now! So if you want you guys can go and check that out :) You can find the URL on my profile page. _

_And after an exhaustive search I finally decided that Never too Late by Three Days Grace and Saviour by Black Veil Brides would be good songs for this chapter. _

_Third Person POV:_

After their first kiss, Alec took a deep breath and pressed his lips back to Magnus'. Magnus made a soft noise in the back of his throat and weaved his fingers through the shorter boys hair and tugged a little on the strands, which made Alec groan in return. Magnus found this highly enticing and kept pulling on his hair gently.

Alec started to push Magnus back, their lips still sliding over each others in perfect sync. Magnus started to walk back and walked until the back of his knees made contact with the edge of Alec's bed. Alec pushed him down onto it and laid his own body on top of Magnus'. Magnus could have sworn his heart stopped for a minute. He sighed into the kiss. He trailed his fingers down Alec's sides and came to the hem of his shirt. He started to tug it upward and Alec immediately got up from Magnus and went to the other side of the room. He looked tense.

"D-did I do something wrong Alec?" Magnus asked quietly.

Alec took a deep breath. "No, it wasn't you."

"Then what is it?" Magnus asked, confusedly.

It was silent between the two boys for a few moments. In those moments, Alec's shoulders hunched down and his eyes started to tear up. Even wen fighting back tears he was painfully beautiful. Alec looked up at Magnus, he looked young and scared.

"Magnus, there's things in my past that I'm ashamed of, things I regret most days," Alec said, barely above a whisper. Magnus had to strain his ears to hear what Alec was saying.

"Everyone has something that they aren't proud of Alec," Magnus replied gently.

Alec pulled angrily at his hair, his breath hitched in his throat and he looked so close to crying. Magnus didn't know what to do. He was never one to comfort anyone. Not that anyone wanted his comfort anyway.

"Magnus you just don't _get it_," Alec said in a strangled voice.

Magnus made an exasperated noise. "Then help me understand Alec! I want to help you."

"You're not suppose to help me," Alec said in a whisper.

"I really wish you would stop playing hero, Alec. I want to help you, so just tell me how I can," Magnus said, close to tears.

It was silent for a moment, all that Magnus could hear was Alec's breathing and rain hitting off the window outside. Magnus wanted to shudder. The whole mood at that moment felt so ominous and disturbing. He didn't like it at all. And he was kind of afraid of what Alec might tell him.

"It happened three years ago," Alec started while looking down at the carpet. "I was out walking around with my little brother. It was getting closer to night time so we were trying to get home quickly, so we- _I_ decided to take a shortcut. Max didn't want to. He kept pulling on my sweater sleeve, begging to not go through the ally way. But I wouldn't listen. Oh God, I wish I would've. I didn't know what happened next was coming. In that ally way, there were a couple of older guys, maybe in their twenties or something. They were from one of the worst gangs in California. They held me and Max up at gunpoint and demanded for money. I didn't have my wallet on me, so at that point we were in big trouble," Alec took a moment to catch his breath.

"You don't have to continue," Magnus said gently.

Alec shook his head. "Since I didn't have any money, they were angry. I tried to escape with Max but that didn't work out and that just made them more angry. So two of them held my arms behind my back and I wasn't able to move. And the other three.. they took turns shooting off their guns _at my little brother_. Magnus, I had to stand there and watch them _kill_ my little brother in front of me. After that, they just ran out of the ally and I was left with Max. He died before the ambulance even got there. And that's why I hurt myself. I hurt myself to block out the pain of seeing that. That's why I didn't want you to see my body, it's full of scars. Something I'm not proud of," Alec concluded.

Magnus saw the tears streaming down his friends? Boyfriends? face. He couldn't imagine what Alec must have been going through. Seeing something that traumatizing, must have had a toll on his pyschological wellbeing. Magnus shuffled over to Alec, and wrapped his arms around him. He felt Alec tense slightly, but returned the hug anyway.

"You have no idea how many times I've wanted to just give up on my life. I wanted the pain to go away, cause it _hurt_ so badly. Sometimes, I still do," Alec muttered.

Magnus pulled away a little. "What do you mean?"

"It was a couple of months after the _incident_," Alec sighed. "I Just couldn't take it anymore. So I waited until my parents and Izzy went out. I took my bottle of anti-depressants, and poured about half of the bottle into my hand, and I took them all. If it weren't for Isabelle forgetting something and deciding to check up on me.. I wouldn't be here. Sometimes I wish she didn't come home. Sometimes I wish that I had died on that day."

"Alec, no matter how bad you feel.. always remember that I'm here," Magnus said softly.

"I'll remember."

* * *

><p>A little while later Alec was sat at his desk and Magnus was sitting on his bed with a bored expression. Alec was doing homework. Magnus had no idea why though. Homework was irrelevant to him and he just didn't bother with it. He looked at his nail polish and started to pick at it.<p>

"Why do you have to do homework?" Magnus asked.

"Because I'm very behind on it," Was Alec's reply.

Another little while passed and Magnus found himself hanging upside down on Alec's bed, looking up at the ceiling and trying to find patterns or shapes in it. But there was no such luck and he was still bored. He sat up on the bed and started to shiver lightly. He was so cold. And that brought an idea to his head.

"Hey Alec?" He said tentatively.

"Yeah?" Alec looked up from his notebook and smiled gently at him.

"I'm cold, come cuddle with me?" Magnus asked.

Alec's blush was prominent on his face as he nodded and closed up his books and shoved them into the plain black and white book bag next to him. He got up from his desk and walked over to his bed, and lifted the covers. Magnus scrambled under them and Alec joined him. They just laid side by side, staring up at the ceiling and then Magnus turned on his side.

"I thought I said I wanted to cuddle?" He pouted.

Alec rolled his eyes at him and turned onto his own side. Magnus snuggled into him and laid his head in the crook of Alec's neck and put one arm around Alec's waist. Alec wrapped both of his arms around the terribly skinny boy and pulled him closer to his body. The feel of the other boy's body against his made Alec's heart flutter in ways that it never done before. It was such a different and intimate experience.

"This is better, don't you think?" Magnus asked.

"Oh, um, yeah.. I guess," Alec stuttered.

It was quiet for a little while after that. All that could be heard was the gentle hum of their breathing and heartbeats. Alec could also hear the light rain hitting off his bedroom window. His hold on Magnus tightened a little and Magnus lifted his head up and looked into Alec's clear blue eyes. Green on Blue.

"Is there something wrong?" Alec asked.

"No, but I was wondering about something," Magnus said.

"About what?" Alec replied.

"Us," He said simply.

Alec could feel his heartbeat picking up pace. "Us?"

"Yeah," Magnus started. "Like, what are we to each other. 'Cause _this_ simply doesn't seem like _just friends._"

Alec's face turned a deep red. Magnus did have a point. Between all of this cuddling and the kisses they just shared, it didn't seem right calling them _just friends. _

"Okay.. I admit, I feel something more than friends for you but I'm not sure if I'm ready..." Alec trailed off.

Magnus sat up in Alec's bed, the blankets coming down around his waist. He didn't have a very happy expression on his face and his arms were crossed over on his chest. Alec sat up too, and unfolded the other boy's arms and took his hands in his own. He played with Magnus's long skeletal fingers, a slight frown on his face.

"I'm not sure if I'm ready to have a boyfriend. I didn't even come out to my parents yet," Alec said quietly.

"So, if we were to become.. _boyfriends_ we would have to pretend to be friends in front of your parents?" Magnus asked in a deadly quiet voice.

"that would be.. favorable," Alec replied softly.

Magnus sighed and disconnected his hands from Alec's and got up from the bed. Alec got up after him and grabbed his small wrist. Magnus turned around and gave Alec an exasperated look. Alec flinched slightly at the cold look in Magnus's eyes.

"Alec, I like you. I'll say that. But hiding who I am is not me. Whenever you're ready to be more than friends, call me," And with that Magnus tugged his wrist from Alec's grasped and walked out of the room.

Alec groaned and flopped down onto his bed. He ran a hand through his black hair and threw an arm over his eyes. How could he be so selfish and ask Magnus to be his secret boyfriend? He knew Magnus was already out, but the thought of coming out to his parents made him want to curl up under his blankets and never come out.

Just as he was starting to wallow in self pity, Isabelle came walking in through his bedroom door. Her long hair in a pony tail and wearing sweat pants with a tank top. Her face devoid of any makeup. This was the way Alec liked seeing her. She looked much younger and childlike. He didn't want his little sister to grow up.

She laid down next to Alec. She brushed a few strands of his hair away from his face. He looked at her and smiled gently. She smiled back and sighed.

"Alec? What's wrong?" She asked.

"Nothing is wrong," He replied automatically.

"I know something is wrong. Your eyes give it away," She said.

Alec sighed heavily and rubbed at his eyes. The sting of tears creeping up on him. "I made a huge mistake."

"And would that have anything to do with Magnus?" She asked.

"Yeah. Wait, how do you know?" He asked.

"Alec, my room is on the other side of yours. The walls aren't that thick so I can hear everything," She winked.

"Isabelle! Anyway, we may have said that we liked each other as more than friends, but then I went and messed it up by saying that we should be secret boyfriends because I didn't come out to mom or dad yet," Alec said in a rushed voice.

"And I'm guessing he didn't like that?" Isabelle asked.

"Yeah, he got upset and left. I feel so bad," Alec said sadly.

Isabelle wrapped her arms around her brother in a sisterly hug. She knew what it was like to feel the need to be comforted. She looked back on a couple of years ago. It was some pretty scary times. Her self destructive behavior almost tore their family apart. And Alec was there through it all.

"Hey, Isabelle?" Alec said suddenly.

"Yeah?" She replied.

"You know when you.. had that thing, right? Why did you start, um, _starving_ yourself?" Alec asked shyly.

He heard Isabelle sigh. This was always a touchy subject for her. "I'm not sure that I can pin point the exact reason but as a teenage girl I read magazines, I saw all of these pretty people in those magazines and tv shows and stuff, and I wanted to be like them, I guess. So I decided that the only way I could achieve that level of perfection and beauty was by starving myself. But in the end, it only made me sick and ended up being hospitalized. I never want to go back there. Spending four months in that rehabilitation center was the worst. And you know I still have to go see that psychologist."

"Isabelle, I'm sorry you had to go through that," Alec said sympathetically.

"It's fine. I'm okay now.. hey can I ask you a question?" She said.

"Yeah, sure go ahead," He replied.

She looked a little uncomfortable. "Is.. um, is Magnus.. you know?"

"Um.." Alec stuttered. "Don't tell anyone.. but, yes."

"And you want him to get better?" She asked.

"Yeah," He shrugged. "Obviously. But he doesn't want to get help and I'm not sure what to do about that."

Isabelle smiled. "All you can do is be there for him."

"Thanks Iz."

_A/n: Okay.. I think I'm going to leave this here! I'm sorry about the long wait for this! But you can blame that on school and stress :P So, I hope you guys like this :)_

_Review?_

_Chantelle oxo_


	12. Important Authors Note

Hey there everyone, Chantelle here. Long time no see huh? I apologize for that. The last few years have been totally insane. The last time I updated this story I was in my first week of high school and as I write this, I'm in my last five months of senior year. How crazy is that?

Anyway, I have an explanation if you guys would like to know what I was up to in the last couple of years. First of all, in the fall of 2013 I actually got hospitalized for anorexia and a suicide attempt. And then again in January of last year. Along the journey to recovery I met people who encouraged me and others who would break and tear me down. But along the path I met someone who made me see the best in me. His name is Stephen and he's the love of my life. We've been together for almost a year now and I have so much to thank him for. One of those things is helping me get over my self harm. I've been clean for ten months now and it feels amazing.

Secondly, this year I've been prepping for college admission. Crazy right? It's hard to believe I was thirteen years old when I started this project and now here I am getting ready for another big milestone. I'll be moving out of my home town to another town that is on the other side of the province I live in. I'm really nervous but I'll have Stephen with me and I know I'll be okay.

Thirdly, I'm thinking about doing either a rewrite of this story or continuing where I left off. I had a few messages from some very lovely people and it made me realize that there are still people out there who are a fan of my work. And it made me realize how much I miss writing this story. How much I've missed these wonderful story book characters. Let me know what you guys think ?

And again, it's crazy to think I was only thirteen when I started this and in a few months time I'll be celebrating my eighteenth birthday. Thank you to everyone who still sticks by with this story and me. I appreciate every single one of you. I really honestly do.

Thank you from the bottom of my heart,

Chantelle.


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